Baseballhead:
Selig -- Ban Him Now

Michael Cox

Okay, okay, I will admit to watching the Survivor finale last Wednesday, but only until it was time for South Park. Anyway, it's time once again for Baseballhead, where we wonder if we were the only ones to notice the guy in the Gene Simmons mask in the stands behind the plate at Busch Stadium last week.

The good news this week is that the players' union extended their current agreement with MLB through next year. In fact, they seem willing to extend it as long as the owners will let them, and with good reason -- they have probably the sweetest labor deal in the history of all labor deals. Pay is spectacular (the average salary has almost doubled in just five years), players have great ways to get out of trades they don't like, and they can apparently take as many simultaneous wives as they desire (although that may have been written in for Al Martin).

In fact, the striking commercial actors would be back on the job with Jim Carrey-like pay if Don Fehr had been representing them, and if Bud Selig ran the commercial production industry.

The bad news is that Selig is prepared to lock the players out beginning next November, a move that would prove that he has learned exactly nothing from history. The plain fact is that the players get a better deal every time there's a work stoppage. In 1994 the owners were willing to give up the World Series, so strong were their convictions that they would bring the union to its knees.

Not only did that not happen, but the players ended up with extra perks, like the ability to demand a trade if they're traded in the midst of a multi-year contract, or for players to go to arbitration prior to their third season in the bigs -- provided they're a top player and likely to win a handsome sum. If there's another lockout, I fear that players will win the right to have Tim McCarver do color commentary in all future games.

And don't let the reports of "highest attendance ever" make you think MLB isn't still feeling the effects of the 1994-95 strike. This season's attendance will finally reach the level it would have attained in '95 had there been no work stoppage. In fact, the percentage loss in attendance was greater from the strike than it was after the Black Sox scandal. Forget about Shoeless Joe. Selig should be banned, for he has harmed baseball far worse, and more irreparably, than the 1919 White Sox.

If the owners didn't happen to be making good money, they'd consider it.

Item: WWF owner Vince McMahon, known best in baseball circles for ritually humiliating Pete Rose once a year at Wrestlemania, announced the teams for his XFL football league this past week, while a rumor sprang up that he would attempt to buy an MLB team.

This, if true (which it likely isn't), would be a godsend for baseball -- McMahon, more than any other entrepreneur in sports, is in tune with what people want and how to give it to them. In fact, if McMahon ran baseball, the players would probably agree to a salary cap. It's likely that head negotiator The Rock would begin making headway after the first bargaining session...

Anyway, to make a disjointed story short, I predict the XFL out-averages MLB on TV next year.

Item: Reds Hall of Fame broadcaster Marty Brennaman told off his second all-time great in less than two months when he told Griffey he'd brook no lollygagging. Brennaman swore at Junior as he told the Player Formerly Known as The Kid he'd make a point of mentioning when he felt Griffey was dawdling on the basepaths.

If you'll remember, noted egotist Johnny Bench warned Brennaman not to mention Pete Rose during the announcer's Cooperstown induction speech, "to protect him and the Hall of Fame...from possible embarrassment." Naturally, Brennaman answered by suggesting Pete should be in the Hall. Bench quit the duo's radio program after Brennaman offered to do anything but apologize.

Strong credentials for a straight-talker. I do fear for Brennaman, however, should Carl Everett ever be traded to Cincy.

Item: Speaking of the Redlegs, C Benito Santiago was sued by an ex-girlfriend this week. Seeing this story on the wire, my first response was, "Wow! Benito Santiago's still playing baseball?"

Item: One of the Cub fans wrongfully (in my opinion) ejected after the Dodgers went into the stands to pick fights has subpoenaed 16 of the visiting players to testify in his disorderly conduct trial. Of course, most of those players will be excused from appearing, as the charge is only a misdemeanor. However, the move does put MLB's darkest day of the new century up for scrutiny once again, and I'm all for having scrub C Chad Kreuter marked for life as the man who crossed the line.

However, there were no further incidents when the Boys O' Blue invaded the Friendly Confines over the weekend. This was due to increased security, stricter beer rules (yeah, right), and the fact that everyone near the Dodger bullpen kept folding metal chairs at the ready.

Item: The Dodgers learned this year what Disneyland discovered a decade ago: gay people are in fact actual people, with rights and stuff. After a lesbian couple was forcefully ejected for kissing at Chavez Ravine, the Dodgers quickly realized that their overzealous security team had goofed again, and apologized in spades.

I have firsthand experience with Dodger Stadium "security" -- a group of guys who appear to have watched one too many episodes of Starsky and Hutch, I once watched them draw blood from a fan whose only crime was attempting to toss a dropped program up to a fan in the level above after the game had ended. Many will attest to the zeal with which ushers and security pursue the dreaded beach ball. Not even the behemoths at old Comiskey Park were as brutal -- they knew when to give you the bum's rush, and when to simply tell you to put your liquor bottle back in the bag.

Finally, that disregard for fans has resulted in national headlines, and I applaud Danielle Goldey and Meredith Kott for calling them out. There is one disconcerting thing in all this -- the team has offered the couple tickets behind home plate, and I hope it's not because they remember how well that Ally McBeal episode did...

Web Strikethree.com