2000 Analysis Archive

Predictions, Studies, and Number-Crunching
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Vastly Inflated?
Exactly how much has the average infielder's take-home pay increased over the past couple of decades? Dave Paisley looks at what small nations the best-dressed ballplayers may own this spring.

Thinner Air
Against all logic, the Rockies have managed to entice this year's top free agent hurler into their unfriendly confines. Dave Paisley wonders whether Mike Hampton could finally be the one to tame the Coors monster...nahhh.

Who Were They?
Can you match these players to their stats? Who's better -- Julio Franco or Bobby Grich? Would you rather have X-Ray vision or telepathic capability? Matt Bruce looks at some potential Hall of Famers, Hall of Flamers, and Halls Mentho-Lyptus.

Thin Air
Coors giveth, and Coors taketh away (in case you're drinking Coors, in which case it just taketh away). Dave Paisley informs Denny Neagle that his ERA will...dammit, if he doesn't know what's going to happen, screw it.

Sign Somebody, Dammit!
With the A-Rod talks acting as poorly-digested steak in the colon of the free agent market, Dave Paisley looks at the possible, er, fallout after the Pepto does its job.

BayArea RapidTrading
While his new adopted teams cleared some dead weight recently, an old sentimental favorite apparently favors corpses. Matt Bruce pens the verbal bamboo shoots under the fingers of the Chicagoland faithful.

Stats While-U-Wait
In the tradition of Thanksgiving leftovers, Dave Paisley offers up the pitching analyses that have been hanging around the back of his refrigerator. We can only wonder where he puts the food.

Hall of Flame
Just when you thought you were almost done with voting controversies, here comes another one. Jason Michael Barker teaches you how to punch a chad. Or maybe that's a Kirby or Dave or Don...

Caveat Emptor
As we are all aware, Caveat Emptor is a big evil overlord on the Power Rangers. But enough about Bud Selig. Jason Michael Barker takes us on a voyage of discovery, where knee operations and hernias are the order of the day...

Awards Central
Now that the post-season hardware has all been awarded, it's safe for Jason Michael Barker to acknowledge that, for once, the BBWAA got it just about right. Not that there isn't room for improvement, mind you...

AL MVP PDQ
Combining his brand new stat with a little time travel gizmo that's apparently still in beta, Dave Paisley enters a time warp to last Tuesday, and wonders what we were thinking with all that N'Sync crap.

Two Big CYs
Trying a new way of determining pitchers' Cy-worthiness and running down the candidates, Dave Paisley then explains just what "a Maddux" is (we think).

NL MVP...OK!
Unless the ballot box goes missing somewhere in Florida, there'll be an NL MVP announced soon. As per his annual tradition, Dave Paisley again tries to figure out what the hell baseball writers are thinking.

Pitching on the Block
In the last of his free agent market analysis rundown look-see, Dave Paisley would like to interest you in a closer or two. Or three. Okay, he'll throw in all of them.

Free At Last!
It's (fill in time here) o'clock -- do you know who your team is signing? Dave Paisley looks at shortstops, catchers and outfielders and wonders, "how many Gilkeys are in a Ramirez?"

Free, but Not Cheap
Will your team's Mystery Signing be a dream (ahhhh!) or a dud (ohhhh)? Dave Paisley looks over the free agent options...if you can call Mark McLemore an option.

A Reluctant Tribute
While charting the eras of famine and pestilence that accompanied the Yankees' greatest dynasties, Matt Bruce gives propers to the team who even now still benefits from the Blessing of the Bambino.

Spreadin' the News
As America mourns the loss of the Cards and Mariners in the LCS, Dave Paisley sizes up the crosstown Series adversaries, and decides to go to the Dairy Queen instead.

Lean to the Right
Are you throwing rocks at Bob Costas' self-important mug on your TV? Bored with the inane dronings of the Bronx-o-centric media coverage of the playoffs. Wow, has Dave Paisley got a deal for you...

NLCS Preview
Jason Michael Barker took a look at the tea-leaves, sacrificed a goat or two, examined the entrails, turned around six times and prayed to Mecca and discovered that, hey, that Subway Series may never happen. At least not this year.

Parking Troubles
In looking at this year's MLB park factors, Dave Paisley lets us know that two truths in life are immutable: Coors Field is a pitcher's hell, and the monster Scooby Doo's running away from is really the owner of the abandoned amusement park.

Pedro Poser
What light through yonder window would break is currently obscured by the form of David Wells. But how should the baseball writers love Pedro? Let Dave Paisley count the stats...

Pole Position
We're pretty sure who will be in the playoffs, as well as the fact that whoever wins is likely to overplay "Who Let the Dogs Out" on the ballpark PA. Dave Paisley has come to tell you who'll be facing who.

Bridge of Cys
Dave Paisley again proves he can think circles around the Baseball Writers of America, predicting who they'll pick as top NL hurler with charts and numbers and stuff.

AL Math Finals
You love tables. You love them a lot. Ones with lots and lots of numbers. When we snap our fingers, you will click on the link below and pore over Dave Paisley's look at AL performance. Then you'll buy us all a cheese danish.

Pennant Purgatory
Dave Paisley says the NL playoff run is all over but the shouting, and that there wouldn't have even been much shouting if the Mets hadn't been involved.

Pennant Pileup
It's one last day at the AL pennant races for Dave Paisley, who's placing a quinella bet on the West. Please don't tell Bud...

AL Rookie Rush
He looks high, he looks low. Jason Michael Barker takes a look all around the junior circuit rookie crop and comes up almost empty handed. But who's this over in the AL West? Who is this mysterious furriner that may steal the award?

RBI Kings
With the help of his customary visual aids, Dave Paisley says RBIs aren't bad, they're just drawn that way.

NL Rookie Rush
The calendar turned over, and so it's time for Jason Michael Barker's monthly look at the Rookie of the Year derbies. Here's what's cookin' on the Senior Circuit. But watch out -- it ain't ribs, baby.

In Praise of RBI
Newspaper baseball writers love it, students of the game hate it, but Dave Paisley explains that Juan Gonzalez is just misunderstood.

Live (Waiver) Wire
In the rush to the playoffs, there's nothing like a great trade. And that's what Jason Michael Barker tells us about - something that's nothing like a great trade. On the other hand, the Dante Bichette jokes do come easy...

Wild, Wild...East?
Dave Paisley narrates the Mets' rise, but tells the Braves not to get their noses all out of joint...oh, sorry, Mr. Millwood...

Western Wildfire
Taking a close look at the AL West, Dave Paisley comes to the conclusion that he would likely rather watch Richard Hatch dance naked.

Closer to the Heart
Looking at the mop-up men of MLB, Matt Bruce asks the musical question, "where did all these new guys come from, and can they do something about Mike Timlin?"

NL Mystery Men
Who are these masked men? Well, maybe they're not masked, but neither is their performance. Let Jason Michael Barker take you on a tour of the senior circuit surprise pitchers.

A Tigger's Tale
In charting Detroit's depths of despair and their (semi) recovery, Dave Paisley finds amazing prophecy in "The House at Pooh Corner." (Geez -- doesn't anyone in the world prefer Eeyore?)

Who ARE These Guys?
Who was that masked man? Jason Michael Barker takes a look behind the scenes, to find those unsung, yet effective heroes who may be the superstars of tomorrow. Or not.

Powerpuff Guys
Who can take a sunrise, and sprinkle it with dew? Hell if we know, but it's pretty irrelevant to Dave Paisley's AL home run tally, unless maybe you're the Big Hug, er, Hurt.

The Power's Out
Far from the Griffey/McGwire/Sosa blast-o-homers that was predicted, Dave Paisley notes that the NL seemed to suffer from a brownout this year. Stop chuckling at the word "brownout."

The Refreshmaker
Beginning with an update of the AL's right fielders, Matt Bruce digresses to Cub history, then comes full circle -- kinda like the grandfather we never had. Plus: Albert Belle speaks...psych.

August NL Rookie Lookie
It's senior circuit time at rookie evaluation HQ, and Jason Michael Barker has to dig deep for candidates. Perhaps he should take the advice of the immortal Homer Simpson -- "Dig up, stupid!"

The Winning Number Is...
With the pennant races in full swing, Dave Paisley has a lot of numbers to show you, but no magic ones. Not only does he calculate your team's exact chance of success, but he also mathematically predicts the next castaway to be voted off the island.

August AL Rookie Lookie
Jason Michael Barker takes a look at the finalists for AL Rookie honors and finds an aging gem in Seattle. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Double-Parked
Looking into AL park factors, Dave Paisley notes the "Abandon All Hope" sign in Arlington, and finds the Devil Rays should really have checked out moving to Seattle, and not vice versa.

Transactions, Anyone?
Sure, the big names have come and gone, but Jason Michael Barker explores the deep, dark underbelly of the post-deadline transaction wire. Don't say we didn't tell you it ain't pretty...

Parallel Parking
We don't want to say that Dave Paisley loves to write about park effects, but, ...er... Dave Paisley loves to write about park effects. Admit it, you want to know whether Enron is Coors South. You do. Yes, you do. Do too.

Trading On Up
The dust has settled, the airline tickets have been punched. Jason Michael Barker tells you what else should have been punched after the results of the last minute trades.

Trade Wars
As the trade deadline approaches, GM palms get sweaty and trigger fingers get itchy. Jason Michael Barker examines the powder burns from a couple of rounds fired off in the latest trade wars.

Luck O' the AL
Looking into how AL teams have supported their pitchers this season, Dave Paisley wonders how Brad Radke keeps from mounting an offensive on the Twins' clubhouse for the purpose of giving Ron Coomer a swirly.

Feel Lucky, Punk?
With the aid of numbers and math and stuff, Dave Paisley says if it wasn't for the Enron Curse, Jose Lima would be...er, Kevin Millwood.

Pale Hose Posse
Chronicling the ChiSox' Britney Spears-like rise to success, Dave Paisley asks, "was it worth it?" -- meaning both the years of South Side crapitude, and the time it takes these tables to load in your browser.

Halfway Home!
As play resumes, Jason Michael Barker takes us on a sentimental journey through the post-season award front runners.

NL State of Play
In the great journalistic tradition of "tell 'em what you told 'em," Dave Paisley explains that the Astros didn't listen.

Brothers in Harm
Take heart, Angels fans...OK, don't. But at least Matt Bruce has found the problem...and his name is Garret. Tip: start loading the page, then have a snack and come back.

Did It All for the Rookie
This time out, Jason Michael Barker takes us on a magical mystery tour of National League rookie performances. Be sure to fasten your seat belts and make sure breakfast is securely stowed.

AL Race to The Finish
At the halfway pole, Dave Paisley pulls out the big math and genuflects toward Chicago. (And you thought it was that he'd been mugged.)

AL Rookies Love Cookies
Jason Michael Barker checks in on the AL's top rookies, asking the musical question: "Chocolate chip or oatmeal raisin?"

Johnson Romps NL Cy
When Dave Paisley checks out the race for NL pitching honors, you can bet there's going to be one fine chart involved.

Flash: Pedro to win AL CY?
Doing his best Karnak impression, Dave Paisley attempts to unravel the mysteries of the AL Cy Young award. But maybe what he really needs is an MRI machine?

AL MVP Alphabet Soup
In his second of two parts, Dave Paisley disassembles the race for top dog in the junior circuit, and wonders where this leftover part was supposed to go.

NL Report Card
In his ongoing series of projections, Dave Paisley suggests that everyone east of Denver who don't have an "A" or "StL" on their caps might as well work on their golf swing.

Armed and Dangerous
Fireballing columnist Jason Michael Barker steps to the plate to deliver his 98 mph review of National League rookie performances to date. And please don't crowd the plate - he doesn't like it.

NL All-Star Hijinks
Dave Paisley's been working around the clock to assess the Senior Circuit voting. If that damn clock wasn't there, he'd have been done sooner.

AL Rooks: June Swoon?
With the season approximately 66% over, Jason Michael Barker suggests that 43% of 2000 rookies might be 3/4 tired, while 38% may be under 320 psi of pressure. Or something.

AL Voting: Fans Are Go!
As he continues to keep an election-eve-type eye on the All-Star balloting, Dave Paisley commends you on not fielding an entire squad of Yankees.

NL All-Stars
With the All-Star Game just over a month away, Dave Paisley continues to make posthypnotic suggestions as to how you must punch your ballot. Of course you don't remember being hypnotized.

Watch Those Paws
What to do when the Jewel of China Basin lays dormant? Matt Bruce goes East (Bay) and finds two young pitchers Dusty Baker hasn't ruined yet.

AL All-Stars
The annual fan vote would be no fun at all without a loudmouth media type telling you who to pick. Dave Paisley's that guy.

(All-)Star Raving Mad
With All-Star balloting in full swing, Dave Paisley would rather have you picking the teams than the "baseball men" who covet Scott Brosius.

More Power, Scotty!
While the Diamondbacks are no Yankees, Dave Paisley explains that this season they wouldn't want to be, either. Caution: includes math.

Bronx Queer
That means "strange," mister. Shame on you for even thinking what you were thinking. Dave Paisley looks at the "Team of the '90s," pointing out that this is 2000.

A Closer Walk with Thee
Jason Michael Barker wades through those transaction sheets so you don't have to. All part of the service on a slow week in May.

Buddy, Can You Spare A Run?
While even the media tires of jokes about "football scores," Dave Paisley has uncovered a group of guys who have no idea what all the fuss is about.

Ticket to Rag?
If you're a Mets or Mariners fan, you'll enjoy Dave Paisley's new offering. If, however, you're a resident of the Ohio Valley area, you may want to keep hankies ready.

The NL Derby
As he completes his sport-wide once-over, Dave Paisley concludes that the Phillies are swiftly heading to wherever Lionel Richie is now.

NL Rookies: Early Edition
It's that time again, time for Jason Michael Barker to profile the rookies of the National League in the special way only he can. No, not in the way you're thinking.

The Early Going: AL
As we wave a fond fare-thee-well to April, Dave Paisley looks back in iambic pentameter. Either that or charts. We forget.

AL Rookies: Early Edition
With almost four weeks of baseball behind us, it's time to take a look at who's hot and who's not. Jason Michael Barker assesses the early going in the run to the AL Rookie award.

Red-Handed
With the Junior-ful boys in Cincy picked as a shoo-in for the NL Central gold this season, Dave Paisley explains that the Redlegs are, in fact, unarmed men.

Re-Re-Realignment
With owners waffling over realignment, David Paisley looks at the version they'll likely approve, and explains how it would affect the balance of power. Note that he does not use the term "Lords of Baseball" even once.

Shortstop Studs
The current crop of young middle infielders have started more barroom arguments than any group of players in recent memory. Dave Paisley now settles them all...or does he?

Chasing Immortality
With even NL shortstops getting in on the home run action while Bud Selig ignores the rulebook and allows those short porches, Dave Paisley says the time is ripe for a multiplayer assault on Aaron.

Early Season Potpourri
Anytime you have Baltimore and Montreal leading the two East divisions, you know that either hell froze over, or it's just the first week of the season. Daring to go boldly where others fear to tread, Jason Michael Barker digs into the early season goings on.

A Final Forecast
By cunningly waiting it out for a couple of games, Jason Michael Barker gets to handicap the AL East race after seeing the Red Sox starters up close and personal. He solves the mystery of the missing NL Central prediction, too.

I'm Walkin', Yes Indeed
You know how it is -- when it happens to your hitter, he's doing a great job. When it happens to your pitcher, he's bucking for a summer in Toledo. Dave Paisley has an idea which is, if not always right, at least often correct.

NL Forecast: Steady Hail of Astros
In his mathematical analysis of the Senior Circuit, Dave Paisley says a single home run slugger plus a crispy dollar will get you an RC Cola.

AL Forecast: Rays, Twins, & Angels Go All the Way
'Tis the season, and Dave Paisley puts away the magic 8-ball in favor of his trusty abacus to let us all know how he truly feels about the upcoming AL season.

NL East: Winds of (No) Change
In his analysis of the rightmost portion of the Senior Circuit, Jason Michael Barker says that the more things stay the same, the more they... d'oh.

Baseballhead:
Eastern Exposure

Wrapping up his divisionally aligned season predictions, Michael Cox heads over to the Atlantic coast, where it appears to look like deja vu all over again.

Outfield Showdown II
In the second of a series, Dave Paisley finds even more reasons to praise Bonds and Griffey, and mostly ignore Sammy Sosa.

Outfield Showdown I
With the season drawing near, we're sure you're saying to yourself, "Juan Gonzalez is sure to win another MVP this year, with all that hitting from behind in the count he does." Dave Paisley stifles a snicker.

AL West: Down By the Bay
Wrapping up his series of predictions, Jason Michael Barker says the future of the Biggest Li'l Division is youth, and plenty of it. Plus John Jaha and Randy Velarde.

Baseballhead:
Mild, Mild West

Michael Cox bucks a trend by insisting that the new, improved A's are just a mirage. Then, for good measure, he figures the Rockies will finish in an unusual place.

AL Central: Cleveland Rocks
Resisting the urge to simply re-run last year's column, Jason Michael Barker instead finds new ways to say that the Twins are again going to only please masochists.

Clutching First Base
In the second chapter of Dave Paisley's look at a quartet of the nation's best hitters, our heroes find themselves in a position to win the game. Oh, whatever will happen?

Perfect Predictions
Wherein you learn that musical references from a sympathetic character make the usual preseason predictions not quite so uninvited. He's not the doctor, but Matt Bruce thinks you oughta know.

First Base Bombers
A while back, Dave Paisley asked you which hitters you'd like to see profiled. Here's the first in a series that demonstrates just how devoted we are at Strikethree.com to pleasing our readers.

NL West: I Love L.A.
Working on the principle that if he says it for long enough he'll eventually be right, Jason Michael Barker instead has inadvertently jinxed the Boys O' Blue for another season.

Baseballhead:
Central Beating

With court in session once more, the honorable Michael Cox presides over the two Central divisions and rules that there be big, er, little things in store for the Twins and Brewers.

So You Wanna Be a GM?
The next time you hear an Angels player wax eloquent over how Gary DiSarcina is the lifeblood of the team, Dave Paisley suggests they could, possibly, potentially, be wrong.

Hurtin' Big Hurt
The only hurt Frank Thomas has administered the last couple of years has been to himself and his once burgeoning career. Dr. Dave Paisley takes a peek at the X-Rays to assess the odds of a recovery.

Pitching a Fit: AL Style
Dave Paisley analyzes the pitchers of the Junior Circuit, then shaves his head and begins repeating, "Pedro, Pedro," just like everybody else.

Pitching a Fit
Wanna get a jump on the 2000 pitching? Who'll bounce back from a bad year, and who will we be scraping off the sidewalk? Dave Paisley ponders the eternal question, "Got pitching?"

Grapefruit League Primer
It's that favorite time of year for Jason Michael Barker, as he not only gets to impart all the info you need to watch your favorite players (plus Garth Brooks), but he also gets to say "Osceola" without getting slapped.

Pitched Battle
In looking at the AL staffs who give up the least power and baserunners, Dave Paisley finds that the Reds might have better spent their money prying Randy Johnson away from Arizona.

Offense in the Air
Just in case you hadn't noticed, baseball is in the air. Dave Paisley checks out exactly what it is that causes all those runs, and comes to the conclusion that, yes indeedy, grandma, it's the OPS, stupid.

NL Offseason Report, Part II
Jason Michael Barker asks the musical question, "How do you expect me to rank these teams when they keep making deals?" In breaking news, Jim Bowden promises to stop for a while.

Home Improvement
Using actual figures, including several numbers, Dave Paisley answers the question, "did the Griffey trade help the Reds, or should they have put the money in Pets.com stock?"

Going, Going, Goodbye Griffey!
Yes, it finally happened. The Reds once again have a Griffey roaming the outfield. Dave Paisley eyes up the implications for the Cold War.

NL Offseason Report, Part I
Turning to the Mature Circuit, Jason Michael Barker tells you folks in Flushing to stop jumping up and down for a minute.

AL Offseason Report
Who won this year's free-agent sweepstakes? Who had divine guidance in their trades? Who did the magic pixies sprinkl-- okay, okay. Jason Michael Barker commends the winners and toe-tags the losers.

Hitter/Anti-Hitter Profiles
Armed with charts, graphs and 8x12 glossy photographs with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one, Dave Paisley presents the next verse of the Rey Ordonez Massacree.

Pitcher Profiles
After savaging the likes of Brian Hunter in his hitter profiles last week, Dave Paisley checks out the world of the hurlers. And no, it's got nothing to do with Wayne's World.

Ballpark Estimates, II
After further research, Jason Michael Barker has found the evidence pertaining to the deviation of eERA from aERA to be inconclusive, but that's probably the government's fault.

Mailbag Estimates
Just as Jason Michael Barker recently estimated the ERAs of Major League pitchers, you estimated that maybe something was missing. Then again, you estimated that Houston would beat L.A. in the Super Bowl...

Profiles in Hitting
Does the ballpark scoreboard regale you with stats like your third baseman's .320 BA on the first pitch? Dave Paisley says, "that's not hitting, it's crrrap!"

In Memory of Elias
Let us now praise famous early statistical analysis tomes. Matt Bruce sees the good and bad in the Def Leppard of baseball stat-crunching.

Ballpark Estimates
Armed with only the digits 0 through 9, Jason Michael Barker can determine which pitchers were masters of their domains, and who should have given their relievers a lump of coal last Christmas.

The Wild, Wild (AL) West
As we see Dave Paisley come to the usual conclusion, for some reason we have a strange urge to lay money on the A's.

Train Stuck in Central Station
In any trip around the leagues, you eventually have to stop at the AL Central. Dave Paisley outlines how that division is derailing fast.

AL East: Bank on the Yanks, Frank
Like a stuck groove on an LP record, Dave Paisley says...uh, an LP record? You know, they had grooves and you played them on a turntable, and...oh, never mind.

D-Back Repeat in West?
Snakes against Rocks, Giants against Padres, and Dodgers diving out of the way nearly as quickly as Bobby Chouinard's wife. Why not check out the 2000 prognosis for the NL West with Dave Paisley?

Signing Opining
So many pitchers, so little time. Jason Michael Barker analyzes the recent free agent moves, as well as the one we all know is done but the O's seem to want to keep as a surprise for Opening Day.

NL Central: Rundown?
In the second of his divisional look-sees, Dave Paisley takes on the heartland and gets a split decision. That's the last one we let Don King promote.

The Equivalent of Greatness
Just because a player spent 1999 in the minors doesn't mean his major league statistics don't exist. Like an alchemist trying to turning lead into gold, Jason Michael Barker explains.

Not So Fonda the Braves
It's six weeks until spring training -- do you know where your teams are? Dave Paisley begins with a look at the NL East, and throws out the first groaner of the millennium.

Trajectories of Success
Greeting the new year with numbers, its -- no, Jason Michael Barker, who suggests that it's fortunate Y2K problems aren't restricting air travel.

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