2000 Feature Archive

News, Opinion, and Humor

A Short Stop in TX
With a marquee name finally set to cover the middle, Matt Bruce looks at the long, long, loooong history of futility in the Arlington infield.

Trading Places
After a billion dollars worth of free agents were snapped up this week, Jason Michael Barker takes a look at a couple of lowly teams making inroads the old way - by trades. Eddie Murphy and Dan Ayckroyd not included...

Mostly 'Armless
Looking at yet another example of how bad players can be at assessing talent, Dave Paisley wonders why A-Rod would want to play in a hitters' ballpark that favors the hitters at the top of each inning.

Don't Hate the Game
Contrary to what everyone else says, Jason Michael Barker proclaims baseball to be alive and kicking. It may not sound like much, but it's more than we can say about Al Gore at this point.

Thank God it's Over

Thankfully it is finally over, at least according to Michael Cox. When the chips were down and the last chad counted, the man known as A-Rod is now some sort of wild west vigilante. Wait -- did you think we were talking Bush v. Gore?

Players Signed, Dammit!
After a dearth of actual baseball signing activity, Jason Michael Barker benefits from the sudden emergence of actual trade news instead of rumors about which color limo Alex Rodriguez is demanding today...

Amusement Park

In an off-season bereft of news, enter Michael Cox and the column affectionately known as Baseballhead. Read with rapt attention as he spins a tale of A-Rod, Neagle, and an owner who isn't an idiot. No, really, he isn't. Just ask him.

Media 101
Aah! Media spin - whether it's a presidential election or baseball ticket prices, there's nothing like the uninformed (the media) trying to enlighten the uneduacted (masses.) Jason Michael Barker tries to break the vicious cycle by adding a dose of reality.

Fire Bud

Why is it that every time there's a work stoppage, the players come out on top? Michael Cox reminds us that a Selig who forgets history is doomed to repeat it -- especially if that Selig just also happens to be a dreadful boob of a commissioner.

Don't Boras, Scott
Dave Paisley digs deep down into his heart and assigns you a number based on the order in which you read this article. Share the heartfelt joy - every time you click, an angel gets his (or her) wings. Or just read about A-Rod, greed and bad agents gone worse.

Thanksgivings &Turkeys
In a seasonal offering, Dave Paisley offers a few extra helpings of rhubarb pie, then throws a few hard rolls. One rule: No football, unless it's XFL.

A-Rod-Free Zone

In his latest offering, Michael Cox promises not to mention A**x R*******z, A* G**e, or G****e W. B**h. Also not featured are college football or your aunt Mary, but we didn't feel the need to block them out.

Whither A-Rod?
After looking at the means and desire of every damn team on the continent, Dave Paisley looks at the options and concludes Alex Rodriguez should consider a second job as Jim Carrey's stand-in.

Bonds & Kent Unplugged
Today we bring you a sordid tale of drugs, drink and the Devil's music. No, we're not talking Eminem, although we could be. No, Matt Bruce is talkin' about the Mick, MVPs, savings Bonds, and Kent get no satisfaction...

Free Agent Team II
One free agent, two free agents, three free agents, four. Five free agents, six free agents, seven free agents, more. Jason Michael Barker explains in terms even a preschooler can understand. Even you, Mr. Selig.

The Florida Vortex
The All-Star Series pitting MLB against Japan? The Alex Rodriguez sweepstakes? The utter lack of news to come out of the GM's meetings? Michael Cox tells all about it, and all without the benefit of a recount.

As the Microphone Turns
There's something new in the air(waves) in the Windy City, and while Matt Bruce assesses the state of broadcast affairs, he also reminisces about Harry Caray, and doesn't mention booze once.

All Free Agent Team
What sort of team could you assemble with unlimited resources? Heck if Jason Michael Barker knows -- he says to ask the Yankees. Or one of those dot-com millionaires.

A Political Pitch
With the Presidential race decided(?), Jason Michael Barker reviews the Rookies of the Year, notes a potential Brave bungle, and looks at the possibility of The Boss as Secretary of the Treasury.

Generally Boring
On Election Day, Michael Cox spurned nearly all things politics (aside from his now-legendary but then-ignored plea to Florida residents to punch carefully)in favor of a wee bit of GM subterfuge. He'll even wait while you look "subterfuge" up at www.dictionary.com.

The Managers
The managerial whirl got you all quizzical and stuff? Lloyd McClendon? Jim Tracy?? Lament with Matt Bruce that the hiring of Bob Brenly means more airtime for Tim McCarver.

Week in Review
Or should that be "weak in review"? Jason Michael Barker gives thanks that teams are finally starting to make some moves. And make that doubly glad since the Mariners cut loose Jose Mesa Thursday...

I Love This Game!
Bored with perusing free agent lists? Looking for baseball games after the World Series? Well never fear. Our intrepid correspondent Jason Michael Barker just checked the schedule and found a whole bunch of games to write about. Or did he?...

Looking East

The so-called "World" Series may be over, but Michael Cox is here to tell you baseball isn't confined to the old U-S-of-A. The Japan Series, the All-Star Series and Ichiro... oh my!

Worldly Recap
After a thrilling five games, the series ends up the way the Great Baseball Deity has apparently ordained from time immemorial. Now why not take a seat and read the gospel according to Jason Michael Barker...

Three Down...
Between the 95 dB of Tim McCarver and the Sensurround version of "Who Let the Dogs Out," it's amazing that Dave Paisley managed to figure out just what happened during Game 4.

Robin the Bat Man
Jason Michael Barker isn't one of those World Series boycotters. But what strange force is turning him into a Mets fan? Could it be that strange light in the night sky over Gotham?

Oranges & Clemens

Michael Cox might be jaded by the Yankee "dynasty," but the bloom appears to be off the World Series rose. But hey, it's better than having Tim McCarver re-create his stage triumph in "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?"

Team of Density
Dave Paisley isn't just pinching title ideas from "Back to the Future," he's describing that process by which a little team from the Bronx becomes a white dwarf, then a supernova, then a black hole, then a Christmas fruitcake.

World Without the Wild Card
Sure, everyone from Peter Gammons to Ann Landers has done a column on the wild card. Still, looking back at this season, Matt Bruce sees that September would have been much more fun without "Bud's Folly."

Why Watch?
Yankees this, Mets that, Rudy Giuliani the other. Who needs it? According to Jason Michael Barker, you do. Now sit down in front of the tube like good little boys and girls and take your medicine. And no crybaby whining about small markets, either...

Nobody's Perfect
...and especially not NBC and Bob Costas. Check out Jason Michael Barkers's ALCS wrap as we set up cameras from ten different angles to analyze how he analyzes the finale of the Yanks-Mariners series.

Sub-Standard Series
With the one LCS over and the World Series just around the corner, Michael Cox can't help but ask... "What is the DEAL with that Bob Costas anyway?" Plus: Trading Selig for celery.

Good News/Bad News
As he had the chance to view some live postseason action, Dave Paisley found that the beauty of watching the best teams in MLB is offset by conspicuous bulk-loading of snack foods.

Who Do the Mets Hate?
Simply thrown together via the circumstance of one team locking the division title for a decade, Matt Bruce contends that the Mets and Braves are no more traditional rivals than Regis Philbin and Hulk Hogan.

LCS Ruminations
Four games down, three in favor of a subway series. Here with a selection of choice observations on progress so far is Jason Michael Barker. And it's also your opportunity to spot the obscure British pioneer punk band reference. Well, OK, it's not so difficult really...

Playoff Prattle

It's League Championship Series Time, and that means one thing -- predictions from our very own Baseballhead, Michael Cox. Plus: What color was Steve Sax's evening gown, and what does Rule 4.19 have to do with anything?

Bay Ball Bonanza
The Giants made the playoffs and tickets just went on sale -- what do you do? Matt Bruce discusses the logistics of following two local teams, working in the New Economy, and watching your old teams become pennant fodder.

Second Season: Day 3
Day three of the playoffs saw the Mets trying to salvage a split at PacBell. Jason Michael Barker witnessed all, having been released from solitary confinement. Just don't tell him that Timoniel Perez isn't Paul O'Neill's half brother.

Big Mo
Can the Yankees, Braves or White Sox take a nothing September and suddenly make it all seem worthwhile? Dave Paisley knows exactly why the Division Series has turned out the way it has: That infernal "Who Let the Dogs Out."

Locked in a Cage
Got those "stuck at work/school/jail can't get no playoff baseball" blues? Well, you're not the only one. Jason Michael Barker sympathizes while he empathizes. We hear he also sweeps as he cleans.

Penalty Kicks

You've been waiting for it all year, so here it is: the first post-season edition of Baseballhead. Marvel as Michael Cox makes his division series predictions without fear of trash-talking by enraged Mets fans.

Plethora of Playoffs
With baseball's second season upon us, Dave Paisley previews each first round series and tells his readers to drop any plans they might have this week. Except you -- yes, you -- with the dentist appointment on Wednesday.

Big Column O' Stuff
He's a ramblin' guy, that Matt Bruce. Still, you've got to appreciate the way he wields a mean Andy Van Slyke stat, and that this kind of potpourri doesn't make your living room smell like your grandma's.

As we look back on the year there's nothing quite like a total baseball immersion experience. It sometimes involves spilled beer, too, unfortunately. Jason Michael Barker reports on an intense weekend in the heat of a pennant race.

The Silly Season
In the final Baseballhead of the regular season, Michael Cox ponders baseball's TV billions and takes time out to ask, just one more time, "Dante Bichette?!"

Ex-Cub Club
Matt Bruce updates a piece of baseball folklore, congratulates his Giants, and takes Sting to task for being such a brooding wanker.

Mountain o' Mail
Jason Michael Barker has apparently been very negligent in addressing many reader concerns. Here, he makes amends by featuring the thoughts of his avid fans. At least that's what he'd like you to think...

Award This!
A-Rod? Pedro? Carlos? Who do you think deserves the AL MVP? Jaw still scraping on the ground, Jason Michael Barker does a double take on popular candidates for the coveted award.

Wire Walk with Me

What do "Survivor," George from "Big Brother" and the Oakland Athletics have in common? We can't figure it out either, but Michael Cox promises to explain everything if you just click. Cliiiick...

The Collapse That Wasn't
Matt Bruce is reminiscing about the Rangers again, tossing in magic number superstition (could he be jinxing your team?), Robb Nen and an obscure '80s band.

AL Manager Roulette
The managerial funeral pyres are building up, and wait! Is that Jason Michael Barker with a lit match? It sure is, and he's got a few ideas about where to place it. Tune in for another installment of "As the Dugout Turns".

Manager Roulette
'Tis the season. To be thinkin' about firin' a manager or two, that is. Who's on the hot seat, and who might your team be chasing when it's all over? Only the Shadow knows. Of course, that's just Jason Michael Barker to you.

Darryl, Darryl...
What's up with these wacky ex-ballplayers? Join Michael Cox as he wonders aloud what in the world Darryl Strawberry, Steve Garvey and Frank Robinson were thinking this week.

Horse Beats Pig
While September apparently flips some sort of mental switch in America's multi-sport fans, the only blitzing Matt Bruce cares about is the kind that happens when someone else is paying for the ballpark beer.

Baseballhead: Baseball Blissout
How did you spend your Labor Day? Michael Cox watched more baseball than he cares to recount. No, wait, that's what this article is about. Sorry for the confusion.

Boston Baked Brains
It appears that something smells in Beantown -- besides the harbor. Matt Bruce maintains that it may be something that blew in from Cincy, and that there may be more than one Marblehead in New England.

"P" is for Pitching
Think chicks still dig the longball? Bored with the bashers? Then you'll enjoy Jason Michael Barker as he waxes poetic on the art and joys of stellar pitching performances. (Yankee warning: Andy Pettitte and Jeff Nelson not included.)

Baseballhead: Selig -- Ban Him Now
In his weekly trek around MLB, Michael Cox notes that a Bud Selig who doesn't study history may be destined to repeat it.

Major League Musings
Strange news from around the Major Leagues gives Jason Michael Barker pause for thought. And when he pauses, he wonders whether Marty Brennaman would vote Ken Griffey Jr. off the island first...

The West Wing
Is the NL West about to become a dogfight, or has one team suddenly become a Yorkie? Dave Paisley has a look around the kennel and...oh, we're tired of this analogy already.

How to See a Ballgame, Part III
Michael Cox originally titled this article "How to See a Ballgame, Part III," but the headline gods would have none of that.

Jump Up, Slap the Expos
Recounting a particularly ugly Montreal homestand, Matt Bruce asks the musical question, "If a radio broadcaster describes a game, but there are no radios tuned in, does it make a sound?"

Pennant Race How-To
It's a new year, and it's been a long time since real, live baseball. Maybe it's time to drink in a little pennant fever from last August. Whatever your level of prior expertise, there's something for everyone in Jason Michael Barker's primer on, ahem, "enjoying the enjoyment."

Bold Words? Sure!

Conventional wisdom? Michael Cox don't need no stinking conventional wisdom. Or Peter Gammons, or clubhouse chemistry, or...

Postseason Now

Read on as Michael Cox gives you the straight-up facts -- the playoffs started last weekend. We hope you weren't in the garden all day.

Not a soft drink from the makers of Country Time, it's instead a tale of two players, one an underrated catcher, another an unexpected base thief in the John Kruk mold.

Stop Making Sense

In the latest edition of BaseballHead, Michael Cox re-caps the trading deadline that was, pausing only to ask, "Tom Goodwin?!"

All A-Bordick!
Watch the wacky hijinks as the Mets replace one nutty shortstop with another. Dave Paisley chronicles as hilarity ensues.

Deal Schpiel
While he might not be Charles Osgood, Matt Bruce takes the latest deals and rumors and adds what the French call "I don't know what." And if you know who Charles Osgood is, you should be afraid.

All-Rumor Team
Remember the trading deadline? Take a stroll down Memory Lane with Jason Michael Barker and see how much fun to reflect on just where those "gotta have" players are now...

Hall of Phlegm
Hall of Fame inductions, Carl Everett's suspension, SafeCo malfunctions... how do you keep up? Michael Cox says "click here!"

West Coast Word
Looking over the prospects for some non-division-leaders, Matt Bruce offers reasons to be cheerful in Anaheim and SF, and tries not to let his voice break when he says the word "Rangers."

Green with Envy
Can a near-obsessive Mets fan find true love in Beantown? Our girl in Flushing, Melissa Hughes, sent her dad a scenic Fenway postcard but addressed it to us by mistake.

Hodgepodge for All!
Jason Michael Barker resorts to using Dickensian English culinary terms to describe a mish-mash of burning baseball issues of the day.

As the Reds Turn
Dave Paisley looks into the Queen City kids' failings and, despite an almost irrational fondness for Venus Flytrap, decides it's more fun to look at the Cards.

And Another Thing...
Jason Michael Barker takes a look around the major leagues to assess the damage so far and then he takes a peek ahead a couple of months.

A Big Fat Ripoff

Hot on the heels of the latest MLB ticket scam...er, plan, Michael Cox suggests patience, planning and a wee bit o' trickery.

The Perfect Thursday
As he has moved about this grand nation of ours, Matt Bruce has collected team loyalties in much the same way a crazy old guy collects newspapers in the back seat of his Ford Pinto. Recently, these scattered loyalties were a source of particular glee.

The New Offensive Order of MLB didn't really start disturbing Erik Lundegaard until the Phanatic recently hit the 23-homer mark.

Heaven, Hell or Houston
Dave Paisley takes on the flailing Rocketeers and we become the only outlet to not title an Astro story, "Houston, We Have a Problem."

All-Star Wrap
Jason Michael Barker was apparently the only person in America to catch every pitch of last year's All-Star game. Here he runs down the game for us in a way only he can. Not that anyone else has tried, but still.

Michael Cox recaps Sosa's win in the HR derby, then reveals why today's All-Star Game just might tickle your, er, um, fancy.

How to See a Ballgame, Part II
Don't stand there clutching your ticket like a fool. Michael Cox will help you hand it to the right person, sit down, and even eat. Caution: seat-wiping humor ahead.

Sound Affects
Sosa? Juiced Balls? The Brawlin' Dodgers? You told Matt Bruce what's on your mind, and it's the ballpark DJ, so the only Rocker here is Jimmy Page.

It's All-Star-r-iffic!
The voting deadline looms, and Jason Michael Barker gives you those last minute All-Star voting tips for the senior circuit. Batteries not included.

All-Stars, All The Time
With the day of reckoning drawing near, Jason Michael Barker looks at several Indians' balloting totals and reckons something smells funny in Cleveland. Besides the river.

Baseballhead: That's Rich
Wherein Michael Cox takes a quick peek at the deal that isn't between MLB and the networks, pausing only to say, "Coming up next, Baseballhead."

Mea Culpa
Although Matt Bruce thought he had a better title for this article on the mistakes teams have made this year, the editors didn't feel that "Robert Culpa" was up to our standards.

Yanks, Etc.
As Jason Michael Barker chronicles the ups and downs in the Bronx, David Wells finds out what it was like when the Professor and Mary Ann were left out of the theme song.

Baseballhead: Moon Over My Sammy
Michael Cox inspects a pair of AL East rivals jockeying for position to snap up the coveted slugger. All this and interior design, too!

A Turner Page
With a flurry of keystrokes and pixels, Matt Bruce takes you to games on opposite sides of the country and puts you in the pitcher's garter belt.

Tales of the Weird
Jason Michael Barker takes you on a journey of mystery and intrigue, all from the confines of your comfy armchair at home. Make sure the lights are low and the X-Files theme is playing quietly in the background before you read this...

Fan, Interrupted
What are we do to with all of baseball's rowdy new fans? Our inside source (Frank Robinson's cleaning lady) suggests we lock 'em in a padded room with nothing but the latest work of Michael Cox.

Pomp and Protection
It's the season to be graduatin', and Dave Paisley digs deep for some very special advice to Major League Baseball's new draft class.

Music and Asses
Why worry about how your pitcher's going to get out of this bases-loaded jam when "You Shook Me All Night Long" is on the PA? Matt Bruce digresses.

How to See a Game
As a public service to his readers, Michael Cox offers the sort of article you're likely to read, print, re-read, re-print, and then staple to your forehead. Staples not included.

Got the Trots
With his late-inning heroics and winning charisma, is Trot Nixon the answer to the Red Sox' questions? Matt Bruce uses phone-a-friend.

Media Frenzy
Vacation in the mountains? Fortnight on the beach? Safari in the Serenge-- Okay, maybe baseball scores aren't available everywhere yet, but Dave Paisley has no problem with watching the Cubs while on the Champs Elysees.

West is Best
While most media pundits are sending a certain AL division to the principal's office, Jason Michael Barker claims they're really the gifted class.

Bad, Bad Fans.
He's no tough guy, but Michael Cox says he'd make a better union head than that delusional stiff Gene Orza. We'd disagree, but he threatened to beat us up.

Letters of Love
Wherein Jason Michael Barker answers some reader email, and explains why it's always best for opposing fans to sit on their hands while at Yankee Stadium.

Ready to Rumble

It's been an extremely pugilistic week in MLB, and Michael Cox suggests the Dodgers might be trying to fill the gap left by the Raiders (or at least their fans).

Road Rage
Things go so much more smoothly when your team isn't the one whose bags ended up in Omaha, Matt Bruce opines. We'd agree, but our laptop's flight has been delayed.

Mr. Thursday Night
While Mark McGwire was smashing records last night, Jason Michael Barker spent his time wishing he was in Milwaukee. No, really.

The Dating Game
Marvel as Jason Michael Barker shares the best way to impress the opposite sex at a ballgame, and all without those silly questions or an annoying host.

Bring on the New Umps

We had planned to bring you a special guest editorial by Rickey Henderson, but that fell through at the last minute. Instead, Strikethree.com presents the latest offering from Michael Cox. Trust us -- it's just as good.

Baby Comeback
While Matt Bruce does take you to a parallel universe, his article contains no hitchhikers symbolizing death.

Henderson for Hire?
If the Mets don't want the greatest lead-off man of all-time (TM), there could be more than a few teams bidding for his services. Jason Michael Barker asks the musical question: Would those teams play cards to determine a winner?

Calling Dr. Wacky!

When the daily grind finds Michael Cox needing a day off, he calls on a dear friend for a guest column. Just one question, though: Where did this so-called doctor get his degree?

Bay Play Essay
Watching baseball, boats, and bleacher queues, witnessing another Hall of Fame tater, and consuming vast quantities of garl-...let's just say that Matt Bruce could use an Altoid.

Walking Out

When Michael Cox says "walking out," does he mean all those pesky bases-on-balls, the Cuban protest in Miami, or what he's going to do if he doesn't get some freaking coffee?

I Got Yer Rivals Right Here, Buddy
Our assimilation into the corporate collective consciousness has Matt Bruce thinking "theme column!"

Basebrawl: Enough Already
Pitcher hits batter. Batter charges pitcher. Chaos ensues. Jason Michael Barker says there's got to be a better way, but for the love of Pete don't make him come over there. Whoops, too late...

For Fun and Profit

How many topics can one column cover? Join Michael Cox as he attempts to set the world record by mentioning Bobby V., basebrawl, the Ryan Express and much, much more.

Shane of the North Side
With a potential breakout season on deck, Matt Bruce sings the praises of a new Cubbie, but sandwiched between verses of bittersweet ballad, kinda like "American Pie." Cover your ears.

Petrick or Pet Rock?
Jason Michael Barker peruses some recent roster moves and wonders why it took a fluke accident to get a young catcher some big league PT. Plus: props to a reader, and when a 50-homer guy will get a World Series ring?

Bountiful Boxscores
What's the best way to spend your Tuesday night? Nope. Wrong. No, not that either. While Jason Michael Barker says he'd rather stay up late reading boxscores, you (and his friends) might beg to differ.

Internet 3, News Media 0

What happens when traditional media outlets go up against that electronic thing you're utilizing this very second? Michael Cox says, "The Internet kicks ass!" Plus, a word or three about the future of Strikethree.com.

Dances With Baseball
Dave Paisley rented the baseball movie of 1999, and unfortunately, found that there's no director's cut where everyone dies. Find out why Jim Riggleman tried to sign Kevin Costner to the Cubs last year.

Listen to Your Elsters
Ask Matt Bruce how he finds the Pacific time zone, and he'll tell you, "turn left at Utah." No, we didn't laugh, either.

Financial Matters
Didn't get that big raise this year? Think you can't afford to get to that big Royals/Twins game next week? Jason Michael Barker is here to turn that frown upside down with handy cost cutting tips.

Shame of the Nation

If you get to the ballpark late, you'll probably have no idea what Michael Cox is talking about. But if you arrive on time, his words will ring truer than, well, those sung by either Brittney Spears or Christina Aguilera.

Fan Etiquette 102: Millennium Update
It's the start of a new season, and so it must be time to be brushing up on obnoxious drunken fan behavior (and no, we're not talking English soccer). Won't you join us as Dave Paisley revisits fan behavior for the new millennium?

Blissed Out on Ballgames
Jason Michael Barker showed up early Tuesday with a glazed-over, sugar-rush type of look on his face, and filed this story.

Breaking Training

In the first installment of the young season, Baseballhead would be remiss if it failed to mention the obvious connection between a California Roll and the Texas League. Michael Cox tells all.

Hocking a Luigi
The start of the season also means it's fantasy draft time. Matt Bruce can tell you firsthand that it's not as easy as Ricardo Montalban would have you believe.

Raines and Rickey
Who's the greatest LF of all-time? Why, Ted Williams of course, but that's got nothing to do with Jason Michael Barker's piece on two venerable fly-chasers, you silly wabbit.

Magic 8-Ball NLysis
The sequel to Dave Paisley's wildly successful AL predictions is here, but apparently even random patterns of electrons understand the balance of power in the Senior Circuit..

Life Smoltz
With the Braves' "clubhouse leader" out with another owie, Matt Bruce takes the opportunity to reflect on mortality and guys who don't even need long-term disability.

Magic 8-Ball Sees AL
Everyone's peering into the future to see what will happen, baseball-wise, in 2000, but you don't see too many pundits using mystical novelties. Dave Paisley bucks the trend, daring to bring you a weirder slant on prognostication.

Realign of Fire
While no one knows what Cap'n Bud is thinking with his latest realignment trial balloon, Jason Michael Barker proposes division by addition, or something.

The Spirit of Radio

While most people these days are extolling the virtues of the Internet and digital cable, Michael Cox says the best thing going these days is the radio, and only party because your grandpa is on it. Not literally, of course, but...well, forget we mentioned it.

No Balls or Three Strikes?
Although several other sports make the gents of MLB look like choirboys, Jason Michael Barker suggests that future baseball miscreants be provided with itchy woolen underwear and paddled.

Some Chapels are Holier
As Matt Bruce sees it, the only thing about San Francisco that beats the no-effort rollerblading is a ballpark built mostly with funds not directly appropriated from the public, more or less.

Inbox Inspirations
While everyone else is running angry Randall Simon quotes, Jason Michael Barker is featuring you, the reader! And unlike those "funny" home videos, he doesn't walk up to you and pretend to pass gas to do it.

Spring Preening

Marvel as Michael Cox draws the little-known connection between Darryl Strawberry and rock music, then leaves the reader hanging on for more! Plus: Rickey, Richie, a Strikethree rewind, and much, much more.

Good Players, Bad Reputations
Two of the best players of our time have been treated so badly by the media, you'd think they were presidential candidates. Jason Michael Barker says they just want to be loved -- is that so wrong?

Ace vs. Ace
The battle of the number-one starters. You can't beat it, but Matt Bruce is here to tell you it happens less often than you might think...that is, if you think it happens often.

Steel-Cage Spring
When is spring training like that Monty Python sketch about firing the pantomime horses? Jason Michael Barker asks, "what the hell are you talking about?"

Conspiracy of Mirth

Ever wonder why those off-season internet trade rumors seem so believable? Michael Cox was going to do some heavy duty investigative reporting, but in the end he decided it was easier just to make things up.

Kid Fan Bids Hub Adieu
In his long-awaited first column from the West coast, Matt Bruce dries himself off and hails the City of Limited Visibility's latter-day Ted Williams.

Cactus League Primer
Looking for fun in the sun? Outdoor baseball with a frosty beer in your mitt? Don't wait for July, head for spring training instead. Jason Michael Barker tells you just where to go. In a nice way, of course.

One Last Thing... Honest

The media pundits have claimed that the M's only played the cards that Ken Griffey dealt, but Michael Cox says poker-playing dogs could have done a better job with them.

Little League
A cross-country trek triggers memories of simpler times, and Matt Bruce remembers the days when a simple protective cup could provide an entire afternoon's amusement.

America Needs Jerks

Although he's not a clinically trained psychologist, he's not as full of crap as Dr. Laura -- Michael Cox takes you on a walk inside the dark side of your mind...if you dare. Plus orange wedges.

Georgia, in General
This week finds Matt Bruce following his stream of consciousness all the way to the sea, where he passes Marge Schott as she returns to spawn. Now, there's a mental picture...

In the Nudes, er, News

In the post-Super Bowl edition of Baseballhead, Michael Cox gives the week that led up to the big game the once over, MLB-style. May we suggest Bud Selig make the news up next time?

Spring Dreamin'
Tired of the winter weather? So is Dave Paisley. Wanna see some live baseball soon? So does he. Follow the bouncing ball to find how to set up your own inexpensive spring training getaway.

Hail to the Chief

Fresh on the heels of Bud Selig being granted MLB's Internet rights, Michael Cox foresees a world where official baseball websites have URLs so long only the latest computer technology can support them. Please, read this article before Selig takes over the entire WWW.

January Jumble
Come hear the tale of a commish drunk with power, a general manager gone mad, and Derek Jeter's done deal. However, Jason Michael Barker would like you to forget for a while about Aaron Sele's done deal.

There'll Be a Love-In There
Wherein Matt Bruce switches coasts, and replaces the Curse of the Bambino with the Curse of the Not-So-Good Teams.

It's the Arts
Bored, bored, bored? Jason Michael Barker suggests pulling the lever back on your La-Z-Boy and enjoying a multimedia feast. And best of all, it's 99.993 percent Rocker-free!

Tangentially Yours

Even worse than the John Rocker "scandal" are the hidden messages embedded in the commentary thereof. Michael Cox plays one backwards.

For the Love of the Dame
Matt Bruce almost walked out on the chick flick that masquerades as the latest baseball movie, but the flight attendants reminded him that 32,000 feet is a long way down.

Duty Now for the Future
While Jason Michael Barker sees plenty of offense in the future, he would like to make it known that even then, people generally don't give a rat's ass about picturephones.

Abuse of Hype

In the wake of John Rocker's hunting excursion, Michael Cox wonders what it would take for the public to sit up and notice Bobby Chouinard. Plus, Rudy Giuliani should have hired Marge Schott, Peter Angelos gets cold feet, and more.

Urban Renewal
Remember when the Rockies and Marlins still had that new-car smell? Matt Bruce was going to write another John Rocker article until the rest of us pummelled him senseless.

The Mental Y2K Bug

Back with his first column of the new year, Michael Cox ponders the mysteries surrounding John Rocker, Hank Aaron, Ken Griffey Jr. and Peter Gammons. His conclusion? No matter what Bud Selig says, they aren't all the same person.

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