Baseballhead:
A Big Mess O' Stars

Michael Cox

Try to pry yourself away from Big Brother 2, because Baseballhead is here. No, you can't watch us while we take a shower.

In Seattle, today begins All-Star Week, because MLB realized a few years ago that there's much, much more money in a full week than there is in one single game. Thus was born the FanFest, in which you can get Harold Reynolds' autograph, call a simulated game (once and for all proving that you too far surpass the oratorial skills of Tim McCarver), try a real batting cage(!) and speed pitch(!!), and buy lots and lots of licensed merchandise at higher-than-retail prices.

Then there's the Home Run Derby, which ESPN has parlayed (read: cajoled every star who said he'd no-show) into an event rivaling the Midsummer Classic itself. Or at least one would hope, since the average ticket price for this year's Derby is $50.

We'll also be seeing the Legends and Celebrity Softball Game, featuring...er, Alvin Davis! And celebrities like...er, that guy who starred in The Single Guy! (No, not the "bitter beer face" guy -- the other guy!) This year they've at least mercifully gone with a softball game, relegating the former Celebrity Hitting Challenge to become the most challenging question on ESPN's Two-Minute Drill ("What were the rules of the Celebrity Hitting Challenge?").

But the underpromoted highlight of the week is the All-Star Futures Game, a collection of the most talented players in the minor leagues. The format is The U.S. vs. The World (rumor has it that the U.S. team was to be called "America" until Bud Selig was given a quick geography lesson) in a seven-inning format that will challenge the managers to try and wedge in their entire 25-man rosters.

Some of these guys could very well be the stars of the future. I say "could," because as of this writing, the biggest current star to have played in a Futures Game is the Yankees' Alfonso Soriano (or as I like to refer to him, "Shane Spencer 2001"). But give 'em a break, because there's many a slip between the minors and the bigs, and quite a few players who'd otherwise be playing in the game have been called up to the Show prior to the All-Star break.

And there are plenty of phenoms to see on Sunday, like...er, sorry. The minors aren't really my beat, and in trying to study up, I found that although Baseball America selects the rosters, you'll have a tough time finding much about the game on their website. Even prospect expert John Sickels chose to do a "mailbag" column (something we writers tend to do when we're fresh out of ideas) for ESPN this week instead of talking up the Futures Game.

But trust me, these guys are great. There's going to be at least one of your favorite team's top prospects. And it'll even be on live TV this year, even if it is ESPN2.

Item: Lost in the bickering over whether Joe Torre was wise in selecting seven Yankees (he wasn't, and Tim Wakefield's the reason why not), or whether Bobby Valentine promised Cliff Floyd an All-Star spot (Floyd may be almost a Rocker-class hothead, but he has no reason to lie), was the rumor that FOX had been leaning on MLB to add Mark McGwire to the AL roster.

You see, after paying MLB enough to buy ten XFLs, FOX has wasted no time in asserting their leverage as the sole broadcast TV vendor of baseball. They've canceled scheduled Game of the Week games to air other games their research shows will hold more interest (for example, the insanely rabid fans in Seattle tuned in last week to find their team's scheduled airtime usurped by the Giants-Cards tilt, then almost burned down the local FOX affiliate).

They will hold sway over playoff airtimes -- expect nothing but 8 PM Eastern starts if the Yankees make the ALCS, and that an Astros/D-backs series will require the kids in Phoenix skip school to attend.

But the geniuses at the fourth-place network (their motto: "Thank God for the WB") choosing to badger Joe Torre and Bud Selig to include a guy hitting below the Mendoza line, and who's been injured much of the season so far, would be indefensible even if Mac hadn't just told the world he's considering retirement.

On the other hand, maybe he should have considered retirement earlier in the season. After all, it worked for Cal Ripken.

Item: The MarinerGate evidence is in, and the verdict is: it was rabid Mariner fans after all, not scheming Japanese or a heinous imbalance of Kroger-owned stores in the Northwest.

The hilarious lengths that ESPN's Rob Neyer went to solve the mystery of the high Mariner vote totals -- calling store managers and ascertaining the names and locations of all Kroger's family of stores -- turned up a wild-ass guess of about 165,000 extra votes over and above in-stadium and Web balloting.

The average number of votes by which the four starting M's won their All-Star spots? 1,313,578.

And as for David Bell, here's a good explanation: Fewer people voted for third basemen than for any other position in the AL. Bell actually got fewer votes than non-All-Star teammate Mike Cameron, and about a million fewer than his co-workers who made the starting squad. If you blame it on anyone at all, blame it on the fans in other cities who decided to leave the Third Base section of their ballot pristine and unpunched.

And be thankful the M's aren't in the NL, or the whole team might've started.

So it's off to the All-Star Game for me, where I won't have to deal with "Bat-Trak" or "Pitch-Trak" or whatever the hell other kind of Trak FOX springs on unsuspecting viewers Tuesday night ("Yankee-Reserve-Trak"?).