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2001 Analysis Archive
Looking at the young third basemen you're likely to see in the bigs soon, David Cameron hopes the Rangers pick up some good role models this offseason so their top hot-corner prospects can learn the major-league game from the best...Oops.
Texas Baseball Massacre
Apparently intent on getting the Rangers into the running for contraction at the end of next season, new GM John Hart wires the Rangers for self destruction. Meanwhile, Dave Paisley picks up the chainsaw, pulls the cord, and "Hey!, what's that noise?
While the media continues to focus on the mental midgets running MLB and the undenyable certainty that Jason Giambi will sign with the Yanks any minute now, really, David Cameron instead focuses on those diminutive giants of the infield (and some of 'em can even hit).
Just when you'd resigned yourself to staring at the same story all week, David Cameron saves the day after AT&T decides they like him best of all the writers. Herein is a cautionary tale of those brave lads who were not born to play second base, but rather have had second base thrust upon them.
Strong at First
Continuing his look at MLB's top prospects by position, David Cameron moves counterclockwise to the guys who get to talk with most of the baserunners. Whose chatter might make Ichiro blush? Dunno, but here are the ones who can play.
All Rookie Team, 2001
Our own Jason Michael Barker is back, checking in with his final take on the rookies of 2001. Pujols and Oswalt and Rollins -- oh my! Follow the yellow brick road... follow the yellow brick road...
Catcher In Their Eye
Does your backstop have no pop? Does the phrase "the tools of ignorance" take on additional meaning when your team's home plate batterymate suits up? Well, David Cameron knows some kids who can help...considering their teams are smart enough.
Season Wrap: NL Style
As if Barry Bonds and Ichiro winning the MVP awards wasn't enough (and we know it never is), Dave Paisley reaches back into the dim and distant past (like early October) to revisit the 2001 season one last time. Remember that those who ignore the past are doomed to repeat it. And yes, we are talking about the Pirates.
High-Temperature Right Angle
Since when did third base become a defensive position? Well, the position may have gone from Mike Schmidt to Jack Squat (and we cleaned that up) in less than a decade, but Dave Cameron shows us that once again, top prospects are coming to the rescue.
Season Wrap: AL Style
With the post-season awards turning into a big ol' yawnfest, Dave Paisley takes you on a nostalgia cruise of the season seen through his pre-season predictions. Warning for Royals fans - dramamine not included.
Free Agent Capsules
Two days after we learned that the biggest free agent of them all isn't even going to play baseball next season (not professionally at least), Jason Michael Barker runs through the list of big name potential signees with a fine-toothed comb. Or is that a salad fork? Heck if we know.
There's stuff, there's power, there's movement, there are a whole bunch of things that Tim McCarver will tell you are important, but David Cameron is here to tell you they mean nothing without one particular word that he assures us he didn't make up. Didn't. Didn't. Didn't. Stop that.
Take a stroll with Dave Paisley through some post-season performances as he comes to the conclusion that the right guys will probably get the individual post-season hardware. Well, at least he's pretty sure Juan Gonzalez won't steal another AL MVP award, anyway.
Not So Offensive
Are you sitting at home wondering where all the hits go in the post-season? So did Dave Paisley, so he set out to track them down in their natural habitat. It turns out that bats go into hibernation a little earlier than the likes of Randy Johnson and Curt Schilling. Well, who knew?
(Semi-)Secret Free Agents
Already looking past the World Series, David Cameron suggests some replacements for Tony Womack and Steve Finley that not only won't force Jerry Colangelo to beg Randy Johnson to defer more salary, but could also result in a decrease in ticket pri- yeah, I guess you're right.
If you can't bring yourself to think about the same old playoff teams, think about the kids instead. David Cameron takes you to a netherworld between MLB and winter league, where everyone is young and eager and barely know the value of a personal accountant.
Ode to Minnesota Baseball
Okay, so they faded like a cheap applique in bleach this year. But get those Metrodome season ticket deposits handy, because David Cameron believes that after the next wave of young'uns arrives, you'll be telling Bud Selig "contract this!"
Hey don't put that sodium hydroxide in the... never mind. Some kinds of chemical reactions are tough to figure out, never mind control. Undaunted, though, Dave Paisley takes a look at Barry Bonds and his Giants and wonders if they ought to be the poster boys for anti-chemistry.
Turning his attention to where the thin air apparently affects the brain, David Cameron explains that Dan O'Dowd is a freakin' genius. No, wait, O'Dowd's a big fat idiot. Genius. Idiot. Oh, cripes. Now you got chocolate in my peanut butter.
NL Callup Report,
In perhaps the greatest and most anticipated sequel since Attack of the Killer Slugs pt. 2, Jason Michael Barker presents the National League callups he so rudely forgot last week. If you're one of those players, try not to take it personally, 'aight?
Dr. Jekyll, I Presume?
Clemens finally loses number two, but the real story is those those wacky National Leaguers. Dave Paisley wonders if any of those Senior Circuit teams actually want to make the playoffs.
Strikethree.com sent David Cameron to a land down under to see if water really goes down the drain the other way. Instead, he only found a bumper crop of prospects and the knowledge that Air Supply makes them chunder down there too.
NL Callup Report
Following up last week's AL Report, Jason Michael Barker checks in on the top callups in the National League. Sorry, Reds fans -- Jose Rijo doesn't count.
Once expecting to see a clear candidate for a 2002 Rookie of the Year, David Cameron instead found two. Meet the guys who will be under the pressure of great expectations next season, and also the teams who know what Decca Records felt like when they rejected the Beatles.
AL Callup Report
Forsaking the season-long rookies in favor of September callups, Jason Michael Barker focuses on the players who have been up such a short time they still don't realize that you have to beat David Wells to the buffet table or you'll go hungry.
Wrapping up a once-over of the top prospects in MLB, David Cameron knows the real reason the Braves have dominated the NL East for a decade: crops just grow better on those Georgia farms, while Quebec might want to stick to maple syrup. Get it? Stick? I kill myself.
With more intrigue than any three Tom Clancy novels put together (OK, bad example) Dave Paisley roots around in the guts of the AL MVP and Cy Young races and discovers that all may not be as it appears. Especially for that lucky galoot in New York City. Not only that, he gets to use the word "galoot" in a teaser...
Rich Man, Poor Man
Moving his focus to the AL East, David Cameron observes that these organizations reap what they have sown, which means the O's and D-Rays should seriously consider crop insurance.
It's post-season hardware predictions part 2 -- and this time it's personal. When it comes to the pitching awards, Dave Paisley says let's get it on! Which is great, but Mills Lane impersonations sound really weird in a British accent.
Looking at the surprisingly competitive NL Central, David Cameron opines that if in the future the Cubs and Cards were to depend on their youngsters, one of them might want to get acquainted with their new next-door neighbors, the Pirates. Make yourself a lovely sandwich, settle in, and find out which is whom.
What's On Your Mantelpiece?
Got trophy case? Dave Paisley starts the long haul to the postseason hardware awards with a look at who might need to look into getting new furniture for the den come November.
Thick in the Middle
Call their division oafish and shiftless, but David Cameron suggests that there be a bounty just waiting down on the farm, poised to return the AL Central to the glory it once...okay, so it never had any frickin' glory in the first place. And the Royals are still screwed. Get off my back.
Wire to Wired
Many vilify the wild card. Not Dave Paisley, who rejoices in the rich panoply of options it opens up at this time of year. Almost no team is out of at least a pipe dream of the playoffs. Except for the Devil Rays, of course. He takes a look at who's hot and who's shot around the major leagues. And guess which category the Cubs are headed for...
NL Rookie Roundup
Ever wonder why they call it the Senior Curcuit? Jason Michael Barker did too, so he asked a cranky old man sitting on a park bench. Needless to say, Jason wound up with a black eye and a bruised ego, but he still managed to put together a look at the top youngsters in the National League.
Cleaning up the logjam of prospects in the remainder of the NL West, David Cameron may have shown up a day late for his Procrastinator's Club meeting, but the Giants, Pads and Dodgers are most definitely not a dollar short. (Ed. Note: feel free to insert your own humorous variation on a hackneyed platitude here.)
AL Rookie Roundup
Great googily moogily! You too will be saying that once you get done with Jason Michael Barker's look at the American League's top rookies, unless of couse you have some strange allergy to nonsensical sayings. Not that there's anything wrong with that, you buffooned gollywagger.
Move the trade deadline to 4 pm and all of a sudden GMs forget how to make those last minute, down to the wire deals. With the trades being lackluster rather than blockbuster, Dave Paisley is forced to resort to numbers and tables to show you where the GMs went wrong. No, don't be afraid. Really, it's OK.
Some Even Matter
For all the deals that went down yesterday, you might have thought Monday was the trading deadline. Well you were wrong, you mountebanc! Jason Michael Barker is here with a recap in his own wacky brand of hijinx and tomfoolery. Hilarity not included; ask your doctor if this article is right for you.
The Highs and the Lows
Carefully dividing the NL West into bite-size chunks, David Cameron finds an odd depression in the Continental Divide and a plateau in the Valley of the Sun. Aliens? Perhaps, but most likely it's just a hotshot pitcher giving a hotfoot to his bullpen coach. Also, a rather, er, farmy look at recent trades.
T-Minus One Week...
For centuries, man has wondered where his favorite players will wind up when the July 31st trade deadline passes. Worry no more, oh ye tired and restless souls, for Jason Michael Barker is with a cure for what ails ya'.
West Treasure Chest
Beginning his series of prospect rundowns in the AL West, David Cameron would like to assure depressed Ranger fans that...er, more hitting is on the way.
Pitching and defense wins games, right? Well, Dave Paisley says you're wrong. Scoring more runs than the other team wins games. "Well, duh!" you might say, but it's not always quite that obvious. Take the tour with Dave and wonder along with him about why Fred McGriff wants to stay in Tampa.
How Ya Do It
In his first act as Strikethree.com farm reporter, David Cameron attempts to render himself superfluous. But he does manage to work in the name "Wily Mo Pena," which is A-OK by us.
Just when you thought the debacle of All-Star selections was coming to a close, Joe Torre goes and stirs the pot again. Dave Paisley dons the fake mustache and glasses to go undercover and get the scoop on Yankee-gate.
Out of It
Is your team suffering from a case of the 27 game back blahs? Well, only the Rangers are, of course, but you don't have to be that far back to be done for the year. Dr. Dave Paisley gets out his stethoscope and tries to discern which teams still have a heartbeat, Not so fast, Pirate fans...
Never mind the Mariners' inflated all star vote totals, it still doesn't rank with Steve Garvey's DIY All-Star campaign. The guy makes Pete Rose look like a saint. A saint with a really bad haircut, admittedly, but Dave Paisley has never been one to cast the first stone. Oh, but then again, it's so much fun throwing rocks, isn't it?
NL Rookie Roundup
It's time for those National League rookies again, so you know what that means -- all your base are belong to us. No, no, really it's just Jason Michael Barker with a look at the top youngsters in the Senior Circuit.
What They Meant to Say
Been reading the baseball news and finding it a touch drab? Well, Michael Cox attempted a Vulcan mind-meld with some recent newsmakers, and now runs around the office screaming, "Paiiiinnn!!!"
All Star Bullets
Yup, it's that time again, and once again the fans are voting the AARP party line for the All Star teams. As a result, Dave Paisley asks the question: "Should Cal Ripken get to use a golf cart on the field?"
AL Rookie Roundup
Who's the cat who won't cop out, when there's American League rookies all about? Jason Michael Barker. Can you dig it? Daaaaamn riiight.
Second Base Citizen
The way the regular baseball media works, it will take a 50-game winning streak for the Mariners to get any attention, according to Dave Paisley. So how are they going to handle having a lowly second baseman overtake Manny Ramirez for the AL RBI lead?
As a public service, Jason Michael Barker looks around the majors and attempts to explain what's gotten into the Mariners, Twins, Red Sox, Phillies and those wacky Chicago Cubs. Now if only he could figure out how to program his VCR to record "Millionaire"...
All Your Base Are Belong to Us
Already the biggest Japanese import since the tamagotchi, Ichiro is beginning to create ripples Stateside that haven't been seen since Alex Rodriguez and Derek Jeter took off their shirts for a photo shoot. Michael Cox observes the hype, the backlash, and the backbacklashlash.
Dave Paisley has been wondering when that high flying Mariner offense is going to fall off the tightrope. According to his analysis pretty darn soon. Or whenever the Texas pitching improves, whichever comes first.
The Bleat Goes On
After such a spectacular start to the season in the AL, Dave Paisley turns his eye to the NL, specifically the Central division. But are those poor teams just going to be like lambs to the slaughter when spring fades away?
NL Rookie Roundup
You know what time it is -- time for pie. And not just pie, but strawberry-rhubarb pie. Well, that and Jason Michael Barker's look at all things rookie in the National League.
Season of Surprise
They're apparently still playing hockey in hell this spring, and Dave Paisley takes this opportunity to look at the skating in the Junior Circuit.
AL Rookie Roundup
He's back and badder than ever -- Jason Michael Barker explains why the motto of this year's freshman class seems to be "run, don't walk."
Twins leading the AL Central? When did hell freeze over, exactly? Dave Paisley takes a peek behind the scenes to discover who put the big chill on Satan.
With two weeks of the season under our belts, Dave Paisley takes a look at the early winners and losers. Wait, is that the Oakland A's propping up the major leagues?
Twin Peeks Revisited
As the season gets under way, Dave Paisley reviews what happens when bad fans get worse. Maybe even as bad as Alex Rodriguez' fielding in Puerto Rico. Nah, nothing could be that bad, could it?
Concluding his preseason predictions, Michael Cox gives the AL West the once-over, and wonders if a team of his nine Ichiros might not beat the A-Rod and eight Chad Curtises he could buy for the same price.
Blest in the West
Can't wait for the season to start? Tired of all those 17-13 spring training games? So is Dave Paisley. He concludes his pre-season prognostication tour with four happy teams in the AL West.
Continuing his series of divisional previews, Michael Cox steps to the left of the Senior Circuit and wonders whether the D-Backs aren't taking that league nickname just a bit too seriously.
No Central Perks
The American League Central is the latest division to feel the acerbic lash of Dave Paisley's pen, er keyboard. Whatever. We're sure they won't like it, but we're also equally sure they pretty much deserve it.
Taking special care to precisely handicap the AL Central, Michael Cox sizes up the horses, checks their teeth, and wonders if the one with "Twins" on its side shouldn't be put down.
Arrgh, It Be a Nor'easter,
In his continuing look at the season to come, Dave Paisley has a gander at the AL East, kicks feebly at the dirt with one foot, scratches his head, looks around, and begins to hum "More Than a Feeling." We're not sure, either.
In the spirit of contrition, Michael Cox apologizes for website transgressions, but then turns around and previews the NL Central. You just can't win. Or can you? Just click on those iWin.com ads, and -- Ouch! Ow! Stop hitting me!
Albert Belle retiring? Mazeroski in the Hall? Never mind that, as Dave Paisley takes you on a tour of the NL East, where the Phillies are likely to rival Hoover in the giant sucking sound sweepstakes this season.
East, Not Least
In his second divisional preview, Michael Cox explains that while consistency may be good for winning divisional titles, in Hollywood it would get your show cancelled. Find out who's the "60 Minutes" of MLB.
Finishing up his 2001 predictions, Matt Bruce looks at his own NL West, then at the vertically challenged folk in the nation's heartland. The Brewers may find second careers in making cookies in a hollow tree.
Dave Paisley continues his pre-season evaluation of roster moves with a look at the National League Central Division. CAUTION: May induce nausea, vomiting, headache and dizzy spells. Pregnant women should avoid this article at all costs due to severe danger of premature birth.
Opening a new round of predictions with an ante bet, Michael Cox says anything could happen in the AL East, but you'd better not count on swarms of locusts decending on the Bronx this year.
It's Rocky Out West
Pitchers are pitching and catchers are catching, so it must be time to start the handicapping process for the 2001 season. Reluctant to start with the AL Central where the real handicapped teams are, Dave Paisley instead turns his attention to the NL West...
Everyone Has a Chance
In our first preview of 2001, Matt Bruce handicaps the field in the AL, and in the NL East, which we guess is kinda like the AL if you think about it. Maybe you shouldn't oughta think about it...
2001 NL Rookie Watch
Jason Michael Barker is at it again, profiling those young punks who'll be taking the field in the National League this season. Hey! You kids! Get off of his lawn! Why I oughta...
Incensed that Neifi Perez gets $3.55M when you'd settle for the $.05M? Tired of all that arbitration mumbo-jumbo? Why not settle instead for some good old-fashioned pitching mumbo-jumbo from Dave Paisley. He is, after all, the master...
2001 AL Rookie Watch
Take a magical ride with Jason Michael Barker, who serves as your guide on a tour of the top youngsters in the American League for the upcoming season. Seatbacks and tray tables in their upright positions, please.
Tired of waiting for Spring training to roll around? Bored with all those out of court arbitration settlements? Why not settle in with Dave Paisley for an unusual look at pitching around the leagues.
Tis the Season
No, it isn't the season of goodwill to all men, it's the season of screwing over your up and coming talent. Just so you don't have to, Dave Paisley takes a look behind the arbitration numbers. Don't say we didn't warn you...
Sweeping Up the Dregs
Still got turkey leftover from Christmas? Dave Paisley checks out the turkeys left in the free agent market. And he'll tell you they're pretty ripe...