Tavarez to media: you’re so gay

From the Strikethree.com Newsroom

FORT MYERS, FL — Red Sox (and formerly Cardinals, Pirates, Marlins, Cubs, Rockies, Giants and Indians) RHP Julian Tavarez found himself in hot water again on Tuesday. The pitcher touched off a bench-clearing brawl in the 12-11 Red Sox win over the Devil Rays Monday when he punched Tampa OF Joey Gathright after tagging him out at the plate.

Then, after Tuesday’s game Tavarez told reporters he would no longer be speaking to them. “I’m done with the media,” Tavarez said, as his teammates scrambled to justify his earlier actions. “It takes a lot to make him mad,” Boston starter Josh Beckett said, causing many to remember that in 2001 it took the existence of gays in San Francisco to do so.

Trot Nixon even declared that the game itself is to blame, asking MLB to reduce the number of games between division rivals. “We play each other too much,” Nixon said. “Fans get all out of control. Look what happened last year. One of our fans hit Sheffield in the face.” It is also suspected that Red Sox fans have been injecting Sheffield with steroids.

Published March 29, 2006

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