April, 2006 Archive

Minor-league umps to have names again

April 28, 2006

NEW YORK, NY — Only two days after finally getting together with a federal mediator, minor-league umpires have come to terms on a contract with the company contracted to contract them, both sides said Friday. “Federal mediator Lou Manchise made a recommendation that proved acceptable to both sides,” said George Yund, lawyer for the Association […]

MLB: This time we’re really selling the Nats, honest

April 27, 2006

NEW YORK, NY — Years after giving the Lorias a sweet deal to sell the Expos, buy the Marlins and win the World Series, Major League Baseball is finally going to end its stint as franchise owners, COO Bob Du Puy said Thursday. Finally finding a buyer willing to pay their $450 million asking price, […]

Pujols decides not to do “the running man” at the plate

April 26, 2006

ST. LOUIS, MO — A week after The Battle of the Showboats, Albert Pujols again homered off Pirates pitcher Oliver Perez, but this time he put his bat down nice and easy before dashing around the bases. That didn’t stop the press from spending the rest of the week rehashing The Bat Flip Seen Round […]

Polls on a Game

April 25, 2006

You learned how crazy opinion polls were when they all showed John Kerry winning the last election. Well, they’re just as wacky where the national pastime is concerned, as AOL took time away from sending out incredible offers for 15,956 hours of free internet to ask whether you think Barry Bonds is an upright citizen. Hey, maybe there’s money in that. Er, be right back…

Sports poll: sports polls are stupid

April 24, 2006

WASHINGTON, DC – Baseball fans may not like steroids or Barry Bonds, but they’re not sure, an AOL/AP poll found on Monday. The survey of 793 people who claimed to be baseball fans took the innovative step of asking half the respondents different questions, and as expected, got differing results. Of the half who were […]

Hernandez: No, really, I dig chicks

April 24, 2006

SAN DIEGO, CA — Former Mets first baseman and current broadcaster Keith Hernandez was on the wrong coast at the wrong time on Saturday, as he remarked that Padres’ massage therapist Kelly Calabrese, and women in general, “don’t belong in the dugout.” “Who is the girl in the dugout, with the long hair?” Hernandez said, […]

Birds’ revenge on Big Unit: second to AFLAC duck

April 24, 2006

BOSTON, MA — Maybe it’s because Steinbrenner forced him to trim the hair and goatee, but Randy Johnson is apparently off the short list of hunks, coming in second in an alternative weekly’s list of least sexy men. Unit placed behind only Gilbert Gottfried, best known by baseball fans as the voice of the duck […]

Link of the Week: Cheering for laundry

April 20, 2006

Remember the heady days of Jimmy Carter, Chrysler K-cars and “who shot J.R.”? At least one sportswriter doesn’t, but hey, bands that sound like The Cure are in again, so why not?

Bowden rejects seat in Chuck Finley’s therapy group

April 20, 2006

MIAMI, FL — The plot of Nationals GM Jim Bowden’s DUI charge continued to thicken Wednesday, after it was revealed that police also charged his girlfriend with battery and resisting arrest. Officers at the scene said they saw Bowden and Joy Browning arguing before they reached Bowden’s car, and that they found scratches on his […]

You’d think we could have a Bonds-free week

April 20, 2006

SAN FRANCISCO, CA — With Barry Bonds in the homer slump of his career, MLB did its best to bring him back in the news, fining the slugger $5000 for wearing wristbands that violate uniform specs. According to MLB’s head disciplinarian, Bob Watson, the size and logo design were at issue, with Bonds apparently trying […]

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