Royals swept by Yanks, world says O RLY?

From the Newsroom

NEW YORK, NY — The good news for the Yankees is that the Royals are playing to expectations. The bad news on Thursday was that ace of aces Randy “Insert Slang For Large Penis Here” Johnson lasted only five innings of the 9-3 Yank victory, leaving the game with what could have been shoulder stiffness, or maybe gout. Okay, not gout.

Johnson himself denied any shoulder issues until the media browbeat him into confessing, but even forcing him to swap paychecks with Robinson Cano wouldn’t stop him from insisting it was nothing really. “It’s early in the year..I don’t need to go out there every time and pitch seven, eight innings,” he said, as an elite squad of Scandinavian arm specialists swarmed over him.

“I think this is just a freak thing,” manager Joe Torre said, thus unwittingly winning a special prize for being the 100,000th person to use the word “freak” in reference to Johnson…

Published April 14, 2006

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