Baseballhead:
Stop the Damn Press!

Michael Cox

A hearty "hi-ho, Silver!" from the magical land of Baseballhead, where this week time is as scarce as a Mo Vaughn stolen base.

So why did all hell break loose on Tuesday? Are they trying to drive me mad?

The biggest news -- even bigger than the Yankees' World Series win (congrats, by the way, you Bronx furbies, you) -- the player of the '90s has finally, firmly asked to get out of Dodge. Or rather, Ken Griffey has requested a trade.

And the Mariners are apparently going to oblige Griffey, which could mean that Junior has dropped his adamant stance that he would veto any trade that would gut the team who trades for him. However, it remains to be seen whether new GM Pat Gillick can make a deal without requiring that Joe Carter be involved.

Of course, the Mariners worked very hard to absolve themselves of any blame by concocting a joint statement that plays up the family, family, family angle so much you think the senior George Bush was running for president again. Aww, Griff wants to be with his kids, and who are we to stand in his way? Lincoln claimed to have tried "everything humanly possible."

My sources tell me he did not try getting on his hands and knees and squealing like a pig.

Face it, the M's didn't take Junior seriously for the last couple of years when he said his sole demand was a great team around him. Instead, the exchange went something like this:

MARINERS: What will it take to keep you in Mariner teal and silver forever?

GRIFFEY: A team that does more than threaten to contend in a bad division.

MARINERS: How about money? Here's a wheelbarrowful.

GRIFFEY: Nah. I'd rather have a great team.

MARINERS: Er...what would you say about a nice, large pile of cash? It's America's favorite!

GRIFFEY: How about someone at third base besides Russ Davis, plus someone who can manage to be on base when I come up to bat?

MARINERS: Okay, okay, we said we wouldn't do this...but we're prepared to give you a massive amount of...money!

GRIFFEY: Are you stupid?

MARINERS: Damn, you're a negotiator of extraordinary magnitude! Alright, our final offer -- we had to get longer checks so all those zeros would fit. Plus, if Jim Carrey ever gets a pay raise, you will too!

GRIFFEY: (bangs head repeatedly against wall)

Of course, this altruism is a little tainted when you understand that Griffey's stated sole reason for opting out of the Mariners organization is that he wants to play close to home. Well, that could mean, er, Miami, Tampa Bay, or...

...Griffey, the Chop Master. Sure, it sounds like he's opening a restaurant now, but just wait.

I'll be writing something much more sentimental sometime when I'm not so tired I want to die.

Item: Juan is long gone from Arlington, and I think I like the Rangers more already. It was no secret that Texas did not relish the thought of even talking to Gonzalez when he becomes a free agent -- and thanks to those RBI and MVPs, a massively overvalued one -- at the end of next year.

Fortunately, Gonzo was as overvalued in trade as he will be on the "open" market. In addition to career scrub Bill Haselman and the likely already-done (especially in Arlington) Justin Thompson, the 'gers get a few guys with potential: P Francisco Cordero, OF Gabe Kapler and IF Frank Catalanotto.

Mind you, I'm more skeptical of "potential" than a lot of guys, but anytime you can get a relative army in return for an overrated slugger plus throw-ins, you've done alright.

Item: Don Baylor was officially named the Cubs' manager on Monday, ending the team's official denial of what everyone else in the entire world had already known for a week. Sammy Sosa said it. Baylor himself said it. Even the Cubs' own website said it (ever heard of a staging server, guys?). By the time the Cubs' brass finally said it we'd already bought the "Baylor Bums" t-shirt.

Item: The Yankees won the World Series, and the only reason people tuned in was to throw objects at the TV when Jim Gray was on camera. Expect another winter of Da Boss telling us how a New York win is "good for baseball."

And while I'm on the subject of Jim Gray, thanks for the many, many electro-letters -- I don't think even my umpire columns generated as much e-mail. I promise to at least send you a personal thanks soon.

Oh, and you haven't heard the last of all that, but it can wait.

about the author

Michael Cox has decided green eggs and ham aren't half bad after all. If anyone knows the whereabouts of Sam I Am, have him send a note to mc@strikethree.com.