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1999 Analysis Archive
Ten Players on
the Hot Seat in '99
We wrap up the 1990s (or the 1900s or the 1000s) with Jason Michael Barker, who asks, should Mo Vaughn move on? Is Jaret Wright wrong? Should Bret Boone be boo...we're so very sorry.
(No, Not Rocker)
As the countdown to the holiday season continues on its relentless way, two NL East teams decided to do a little last minute Christmas shopping. Jason Michael Barker lets you in on who got the best toys.
Player Movement Montage
The wheeling and dealing didn't end with the winter meetings, no-siree-bob. Jason Michael Barker recaps the week's transactions, then laments the fate of his fantasy team.
Dealing in a Winter Wonderland
With the major leagues' GMs lowering the IQ of Orange County this week, Jason Michael Barker runs down the biggest deals of the Winter Meetings, including that Valdes-for-Pikachu trade.
School's in again, and this time Matt Bruce's lecture is on the fallacy of the leadoff speedster. Oh -- we see the Rockies GM is absent from class again.
Youth Beats Experience
Today Dave Paisley looks at how the aging veterans he looked at last week compare to these guys, none of whom associates the name "Steve Austin" with The Six Million Dollar Man.
Battle of the Ages Revisited
It's time for our second annual contest between the guys who remember Johnny Carson and those who think N' Sync should move over for new talent. Dave Paisley begins by looking at the oldies.
Turning to the American League, Dave Paisley recounts just what the hell got into his head when he made his preseason predictions.
Rule 5 Ruminations
Incan temples. Crop circles. Haggis. In our continuing series solving the world's greatest mysteries, Jason Michael Barker uncovers the secret of baseball's Rule 5 draft. You can even imagine Leonard Nimoy narrating.
Season O' Reckoning
Despite using all his scientific skills and numbers and crap to predict the NL division winners, Dave Paisley admits that sometimes you're better off asking some old guy in a coffee shop.
Just Like the Oscars
Yes, we're still not there yet, so Jason Michael Barker takes his stab at prognostication. And he finds that, just like those movie awards, it pays to be better later rather than sooner.
Unsung Heroes of 1999
They might not have quite the flair or the noteriety of all those super-cool boy bands, but Jason Michael Barker offers a list of names you should have known last season.
The 25th Man
Once upon a time, Jason Michael Barker asked you who you thought should be the final addition to the Strikethree.com All-Rookie Squad. Now it's time to see if he took your advice.
Yes folks, we're halfway through the annual hardware parade, and Dave Paisley brings you all you need to about the impending silverware distribution.
So the GM meetings didn't even result in one-tenth of the deals Peter Gammons babbled about. Jason Michael Barker explains that you don't make orange juice out of toast, or some other damn homespun metaphor.
Paying the Piper
Who spent their money wisely in 1999, and who would have been better off using the money to help their kids corner the market on Pokemon cards? Dave Paisley tells all.
Free Agent Primer
Soon, some teams will be plucking the very flower of athletic prowess in hopes that it will aid them in their aspirations to success. Jason Michael Barker says "tough darts, Expos."
All-Rookie Roster, Pt.
It's time to wrap up the rookie review for 1999 and, oh look, here's Jason Michael Barker with the wrapping paper now.
MVPs on the Block
Yup, Gonzo's gone, Griffey's going, and hey, what about that Bichette guy? Dave Paisley reviews the shenanigans and ponders the merits of less superstar travel time.
A Brave Old World?
Don't fret, Braves fans, because your team should be championship-caliber for years to come. Jason Michael Barker redefines "championship-caliber" in relation to the Cubs.
Yanks: 25 and Counting
The 1999 World Series was over almost before it started, and it's left to Dave Paisley to clean up the cigar butts and Ho-Ho wrappers.
Torre: Genius or Leprechaun?
Using the latest in testing technology, Dave Paisley pitted the Yankee skipper against an Orgg. George Steinbrenner is now in negotiation to bring the Orgg to New York.
A Match Made in Heaven?
As the Yanks and Braves prepare to face off in the Fall Classic, Dave Paisley wonders why more people aren't secretly hoping that a stray Russian ICBM takes out the NBC broadcast satellite.
Sunday Night Fever
After fifteen innings of baseball Sunday, was Jason Michael Barker the only fan in America still glued to his TV? Our sources say yes, and reveal that it's always fun to second-guess Bobby Cox.
Decade of Destiny
In the '70s it was the Pet Rock. In the '80s it was acid-washed denim. Now, Dave Paisley says the sitcoms of 2015 will be dependent on the outcome of this year's Fall Classic.
Play it Again, Ump
Can't wait to see how this one pans out? Jason Michael Barker zooms in on the one thing that could turn the men in blue from chumps to umps.
First Round Reckoning
On the principle that you're from Houston or Phoenix and still wondering what happened in the Division Series, Dave Paisley shakes his head with you.
Home Cookin': NL Style
In the second of two parts, Dave Paisley says the numbers indicate that the chairs should be made harder in the Cinergy Field opponents' locker room.
Home Cookin': AL Style
Do the Indians play more close games at home to keep the fans happy, or is it a secret league order to help boost the opponents' self-esteem? Dave Paisley tells all, without once using the word "co-dependent."
Mugshots: We'll Call You
In the second of two parts, Dave Paisley ferrets out the worst hitters -- er, best clubhouse influences and game-winning defensive wizards -- at each infield position.
Mugshots: Don't call us...
MVP - pah! There are much harder things to do on this earth than hit a baseball hard. How about batting criminally badly yet still keeping that cushy leadoff spot in the lineup? Dave Paisley dons the deerstalker to track down the culprits.
Mirror, Mirror on the Wall,
Who's the Luckiest Pitcher of All?
Looking at all the Cy Young contenders, Dave Paisley finds a way to work in the Seven Dwarfs. Don't ask.
All-Century Cheat Sheet:
Dave Paisley pulls double duty to get you timely voting info so you -- yes, you -- can turn the tide for the righteous! Yeah! Power to the people! Stick it to the man! Damn!
All-Century Cheat Sheet:
There's still time to get those votes in, and Dave Paisley would like you to do your part and join the Strikethree Army, mobilized to vanquish the Boomer hordes. Unless you are a Boomer that is...heh heh...uh, howdy?
National League Call-Up
In the second of two looks at the debuting stars of the future, Jason Michael Barker brings you more guys who were once not old enough to understand "The Simpsons."
American League Call-Up
This is the time of the year when teams get extra bonus players. Some even use them. Jason Michael Barker explains that all these new guys didn't exactly spend the rest of the year dancing in that Fat Boy Slim video.
All-Century Cheat Sheet:
Just back that finger away from the mouse until you've listened to Dave Paisley as he asks the musical question, "Why are you here, Mr. Robinson?"
Cheat Sheet: Catchers
With time a-wastin' for some reasonable voting, Dave Paisley benches Bench and finds the best catcher of the past hundred years isn't even on the ballot.
Bambi, The Envelope Please...
Dave Paisley delves behind the scenes to help figure out who's taking away the post-season hardware. Engravers are standing by to do the bidding of the boys at the BBWAA.
The Y2K Pitching Bug
Continuing the theme of managers who abuse pitchers and the people who cluck their tongues at them, Dave Paisley presents a case study.
It's about as easy to keep some major league GMs from calling up low-minors prospects as it is to keep the kids from wanting Carmageddon for their birthday, but Jason Michael Barker suggests willpower.
Now, Where's That Machete?
With the stark evidence of Brian L. Hunter's performance before him on a daily basis, is it any surprise that Dave Paisley revisits the crime scene known as the Hacking Mass competition?
As he is wont to do, Jason Michael Barker stares down the top youngsters, and determines the NL could use a little more volume.
August AL Rookie Roundup,
Continuing his look at the Junior Circuit, Jason Michael Barker turns his attention to the tenderfoot tossers. Wait, maybe we should rephrase that.
Deep in the Heart of Texas
Although it's possible the AL West could actually be won by default, the Rangers may be overachieving their way to a World Series. Dave Paisley says it's gotta be the trousers.
Is Batting Average
Bad for Your Health?
You know that stat which is sometimes the only one they show under the batter's face on TV? Matt Bruce explains it may be not only of little use, but actually be bad when you think it's good.
It's the Outs, Stupid!
It's time to get out the turbo La-Z-Boy as Dave Paisley fires up the spreadsheet once again to bring you more than you ever wanted to know about hits, walks and outs. No prizes for guessing which one of the three is bad.
August AL Rookie
Roundup, Part One
After somewhat of a delay, Jason Michael Barker brings you the four one one on the freshman class... or is that the five-five-five, one-two one-two...?
On the Sixth Day, God
Does accurately predicting a team's scoring capability require a degree and scientific calculator, or just sixth-grade math? Dave Paisley finds that the preteens may have the upper hand.
Dog Days Grab Bag
It's August, the home run race is heating up, and Dave Paisley's wasting his time indoors poring over tables of stats (and getting gentle reminders from readers of that awful wasteland known as the 1994 baseball season).
Trade Deadline Analysis
In this article, Jason Michael Barker...hell, it's called "Trade Deadline Analysis." D'ya think it's going to be about koalas?
In the great debate over the value of a stolen base, Derek Zumsteg noted a while ago that they aren't worth squat. A reader took issue, and our intrepid Dave Paisley comes in to pinch run for Derek. Does he come around to score?
The AL Race to the Wire
Tread carefully. the floor is wet with Dave Paisley's tears as he reads you the writing that appears on that there wall there. Curiously for someone with such saline-impaired vision, there are very few misspellings.
The tradin' deadline's a-comin', and Jason Michael Barker is making out a list for your team. Make sure he doesn't forget the Cap'n Crunch.
RBI Vulture 1999 Style
Last year, Dave Paisley dissected the RBI scavenging habits of a certain MVP winner who shall remain nameless. This year, he dissects the performance of the heir apparent to the RBI crown. Ballot-box stuffing aside, maybe Cleveland does harbor a decent player or two?
Anatomy of a Streak
It's amazing when any team goes on a double digit winning streak. It's even more amazing when it's a hitherto hapless team like the San Diego Padres. Without so much as a chart or table, Dave Paisley puts the Padres amazing streak under the microscope.
Ballot Box Barracudas
Surveying the candidates for the All-Star infield, Dave Paisley can't help but wonder about all the write-ins for "that Jerry McGuire fella" from East Texas.
Ballot Box Bums
This week, Dave Paisley turns his practiced eye to the All-Star voting in the NL, noting the shoo-ins like Piazza and Sosa, searching in vain for Gonzalez, and wondering how Scott Evil got all those write-ins.
At a Glance: American League
A month into the season, Jason Michael Barker catches up on the early fortunes in the Junior circuit, named of course after Ken Griffey, where the Sox already look to win it all. (Don't worry, next month we jinx the Yankees.) tells us which AL number-one hitters are helping their teams, and which would do more good trying out for Roller Jam.
Padres Without a Prayer?
It may be difficult to ascertain, but there's something that just might stand between the Swingin' Friar and a second consecutive NL title. Dave Paisley asks whether it might be, oh...Satan?
Top o' the Order to Ya
Does your team have a "true leadoff man"? Jason Michael Barker tells us which AL number-one hitters are helping their teams, and which would do more good trying out for Roller Jam.
Ballot Box Bambinos
Click the link, then go to the fridge and pour a cool one, and by the time you get back Dave Paisley's look at the potential AL All-Star infield may have finished loading its, er, impressively sized tables.
Ballot Box Scandal?
All-Star fan balloting -- It's a scene worse than a rigged election in some corrupt third world nation. Dave Paisley explains who you should be voting for, but who's that large man behind him with the bat?
AL Vets Beg For Run Support
Dave Paisley warns you that the following tables may be hard to watch, but won't you please donate a homer or two to a pitcher hungry for wins?
Professor Maddux Failing
Coming up on the mid-way mark of the season, Dave Paisley just can't resist poking The Professor in the eye with a metaphorical sharp stick as he reviews NL starter performance so far.
NL Rookie Roundup
Who'd have thunk that in his critique of the newcomers in the League of the Hackin' Hurlers, Jason Michael Barker would have nothing to say about J.D. Drew?
AL Rookie Roundup
Looking at a fine pair in KC, Jason Michael Barker wonders how badly the rest of the team will have to fail to make up for them.
Line Drive: The Bad
and the Ugly
Continuing his look at box score pitching lines, Dave Paisley suggests that this episode is not for the queasy. Especially those in Baltimore.
Line Drive: The Good...
The secret to keeping up with everything? Dave Paisley says it's the archaic skill of reading. Did you know you can tell what a pitcher did by reading something called a "box score"? Us neither.
Feats of Clay
When most people get reeeeally bored, they read the articles in TV Guide or start the Wave. When Dave Paisley gets bored, he pulls out the slide rule and figures out RBI-to-hit ratios.
Houston, We Don't Have
Don't look now, but the Astros have the best record in the NL, and Dave Paisley doesn't think it's a fluke at all. Just remember when they're more popular than N'Sync that we were on the bandwagon first.
The Pedro Express
Herein, Jason Michael Barker pays tribute to a plucky, underappreciated pitcher currently toiling in record-pace obscurity in the wilds of Bos-- never mind.
Trip, Trip, Triple Your Fun
Are triples a sign of an exciting, run-scoring team, or just the apocalypse? Jason Michael Barker says "pay no attention to the 20-foot bumblebees."
Mets Flushed With Success
The NL East has been a broken record for most of the decade, but hold the phone, Dave Paisley is on the line to look at the resurgence of that other New York team and wonder what it would be like with Fernando Vina. Okay, just kidding on that last part.
Looking forward to the upcoming showdown between MLB's newest imports, Dave Paisley dreams of a simpler land, where each vowel only has one sound.
May NL Rookie Roundup
Turning his attention to the Senior Circuit, Jason Michael Barker looks at guys who aren't seniors at all, which kind of confuses and frightens me.
Small Baseball Sux
So many managers like to play baseball like a poker game -- "I see your bunt, and raise you a stolen base." Derek Zumsteg says his pair of Frank Thomases beats your five Tom Goodwins.
May AL Rookie Roundup
It's time again for a look at the rooks, so let's hit the books with Jason Michael Barker, who says HULK SMASH! HULK SMASH ANNOYING PEPSI GIRL!! RRRRRR!!...sorry 'bout that.
Slugger, Hacker, or Contact
Is a strikeout all that bad? Is the ability to take a walk all that important? Why, for the love of God, would anyone use "Mr. Roboto" in a commercial? Dave Paisley has made a big-ass chart to try and make some sense of it all.
Of Aliens, Monkeys
Is that scrappy middle infielder actually as en fuego this year as the local color guy would like to tell you? Dave Paisley knows. Or he just likes to say "monkey." Either one.
Ginger or Mary Ann?
Okay, it all sounds well and good, right? Oh yeah up until Dave Paisley actually tells you who he's fantasizing about in those skimpy dresses. Just ew.
So the AL East wasn't such a toss-up last season. This year it'll be fiercely contested and anyone can...oh, who are we trying to fool? Dave Paisley puts the record back on the turntable.
Don't Look Back
(You Might Need a Telescope)
The middle of the American League is likely to be the most competitive division of all, says Dave Paisley. You might as well flip a coin or play rock-paper-scissors to determine a winner. OK, OK, we're just playing with your head.
Today prognosticating the AL West, we apologize for Dave Paisley's um, verve in talking about his favorite team. All the same, you shoulda seen it before the editor cut out the six paragraphs about their bench players.
The South Will Rise Again
After surveying the landscape of the NL East, Dave Paisley tells us that the foam tomahawk salesmen won't be out of a job anytime soon, which is more than we can say for your average Y2K consultant.
This week a couple of teams made moves to lock up their "fan favorites." Jason Michael Barker reports that the fans are sometimes wrong. Nah, it couldn't be...right?
It's in the Cards
Moving quickly to the NL Central, Dave Paisley's bold, reasoned predictions include several losses for the Pirates and Brewers, and a couple of homers for Mark McGwire.
In the first of his 1999 divisional predictions, Dave Paisley says the Dodgers would not only likely win with Ally McBeal at short, they could possibly do even better.
Hip, Hip, Hey Rey!
With a new season starting, we are likely to make the occasional reference to a certain shortstop, making the odd joke about his play (and we love odd jokes). Here's Dave Paisley to explain why.
Battle for the Ages, Part II: The Young Bucks
Following up his award-winning* look at older players, Dave Paisley now sizes up the new crop. (*By "award-winning," I mean I bought him a beer.)
A Battle for the Ages
Wherein our editor valiantly battles back from Hard Drive Destruction to present the first part of Dave Paisley's comparison of today's young, vibrant, hot marketable stars and this bunch of old guys.
How The West Was Dumb
Dave Paisley wraps up his series of early analyses with a heads-up on the AL West, or "Sleepy Hollow," as it's known around here, but how can a division with Griffey, Gonzalez and two Rodriguezes be dull? When there's little else.
Offseason Capsule: NL Central
With the 'Stros making a quicker-than-expected playoff exit with the Unit, can they get by next year without him? Jason Michael Barker scratches his bald spot.
The AL Black Hole
Is the AL Central really the most boring division in the world? Dave Paisley makes the case for the English Premier League, then admits it really is this one.
AL East II: The Revenge
Dave Paisley gives the World Champs' division a once-over, then a twice-over, and suggests it'll be a lot closer this year. Please.
Offseason Capsule: NL
The previews roll on, Jason Michael Barker turns to the Land of the Braves and damned if he doesn't see someone with an enormous, baseball-shaped head approaching quickly. And his name isn't Jack.
Offseason Capsule: NL
Continuing with his series of 1999 previews, Jason Michael Barker analyzes the dealings in the NL West, and comes to the conclusion that no one would notice if he took a couple million out of petty cash.
The Braves win the pennant!
The Braves win the pennant!
With a month before pitchers and catchers report, you know that it won't be long 'til Ted Turner begins pre-empting wrasslin' for the Maddux World Order. Dave Paisley explains that a certain tag team in Flushing is primed for a battle royal.
In his ongoing series of trade analyses, Jason Michael Barker today goes over why the Yankees ROOL!!! DERICK JEETER IZ DA MAN!!1! WEER GONNA STOMP YOR PUNNY HED!!!!11!!...oh, sorry about that...
Offseason Capsule: AL
Continuing with our series of trade (or lack thereof) analyses, Jason Michael Barker surveys the terrain of the Junior Circuit's midsection and determines it to be a slippery slope with Jacobs Field standing alone at its apex. Surprise, surprise.
NL West shocker: Dodgers
If you've been paying attention to something other than Who's The Boss reruns, you know there's been an arms race on the Left Coast this winter that puts the old Cold War to shame. Dave Paisley sorts out the Dodger and Diamondback deals and prognosticates until he can't sit down.
What Price Mediocrity?
The leftover turkey sandwiches have barely been thrown into trash bins, and yet the deals are coming thick as thieves. Dave Paisley looks at the thickest thieves.
Off-Season Capsules: AL West
Kicking off the year in analysis, Jason Michael Barker asks the AL's left-coast teams to step forward if they're ready to take it to the next level, then says "not so fast, Oakland."