When Dave Paisley originally dashed the hopes of those in Denver and KC in 2002, he didn’t realize he’d do the exact same thing all over again in 2006. Here’s a little Spring Training data to only reinforce the fact that you should have been watching the WBC instead.
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Recent wisdom, gossip and conjecture:
The second part of our trilogy comes from 2001, when David Cameron nailed that special…something…that makes us want to sing. Better go read it before we actually do.
Back from making life-or-death decisions as one of twelve semi-angry men, Michael Cox brings the last of his predictions, and look — he’s already right! Sit back in your chair (or your adjustable bed, if you’re in San Francisco) and enjoy.
The season may have begun, but there are still a couple of divisional prognostications remaining. Like the kid who got held back twice, someone’s been picking on the smaller kids in the Central. He didn’t pass last year, either. Also: Michael Cox is here to praise the Royals, not to bury them. See if he can actually pull it off.
Wrapping up his prognostications with a gander at the NL West, Ted Bauer discovers the Giants’ plan to cut post-game buffet costs: field a team who can order off the seniors’ menu. Collisions at home plate are even more dangerous when a walker is involved. Thank you, I’ll be here all week.
Continuing his whiz round the game, Michael Cox sees Phantasies Phulphilled, Phans Pheeling Phantastic, and a Phield of Phormidable Phoes. Yes, the division that has been the Braves’ old world may see a new champion, and it will very likely not be the Nats.
The AL West: a tradition of strong teams; a tradition of getting tossed out on their asses in the postseason.* (*except for 2002) Ted Bauer takes a walk down the coast to run down the possibilities for 2005. If you see him walking, give him a Clif bar and he’ll be just fine.
Now it’s over to the Biggest Division, where last year the Birds of Play smacked the livin’ bejeebers out of everyone. Since there were no hockey sticks to be had this past winter, where does that leave the crimson gang? And there are at least five more stories in the naked city. Michael Cox does his best to not say too many bad things about Pittsburgh. (He fails miserably.)
Turning his attention to the littlest division, Michael Cox declares it “all-offense, all the time.” Or “50 good-looking hitters (and three ugly ones).” Or “the land that pitching forgot.” Only one thing’s for sure: get crazy with those ThunderStix one more time and you’ll be using them as suppositories.
It’s the division with the only remaining curse in baseball. (Unless you count Bud Selig.) Ted Bauer runs down the middle of the NL, looking at injury-prone superstars, social-security-collecting aces, and enumerates the antagonists, protagonists, and, um, goats.